always be my baby

ahhhhh I don't quite think I should particularly be writing anything, because there is not much to say

but as of now I am all bottled up emotions and frustrations and in delving deeper into the self I do not really find anything that could be specifically causing it

so I am going to fly blind here and say it is because this amazing time travel fic hasn't been updated.

which is absolutely horrid!

because!

it means in the meantime i can never ever get to reading another fic

(and lemme tell u i have a long queue of probably amazing fics to read which i can't because!)

to do that would mean emotionally investing myself in /another/ situation, where the characters and their circumstances are vaaastly different.

right now the louis i am reading about is a time traveller who may or may not die at 47, and the complementary harry is the patient, unconditionally loving love of his life.

reading another fic where everything! is impossibly different would shatter that for me.

i am just so, so unready to sever the attachment i presently have with the time travel fic.

i am in no way capable of doing that.

there is no closure yet, i can't move on yet, i am still so, so unready.

does he or does he not die?

will present harry&louis be able to figure things out and deal with that?

will they go on after 47!louis?

DOES HE OR DOES HE NOT DIE

?????

so no, i cannot go on with other things.

i am not reading any other fics.

which means there is a huge deficit of fics in my life right now, and shit, that blows.

because even though i still am able to read not-harry&louis things, (which is great! because it gave me time to read a little coelho!) i am not able to satisfy that thirsty harry&louis part of me.

i am just so, so, so.

bummed.

not being exposed to some harry&louis fiction is unhealthy.

i need that emotional investment it's so cathartic.

i hope it updates soon.

the last chapter.

inadvertently got myself involved in a wip i cannot beliebe.

did the unthinkable!

i thought it was a super long one-shot!!!

and well i mean.

there is one other fic that's also a wip with which i'm in an ldr, but that's a different thing.

ocean sequence (ha remember that?) is written differently, more poetically; it's something i can revisit again and again and again because i have the option of just admiring the language.

with this time travel fic i don't think i have the patience to re-read everything all over again, bc it is best enjoyed/appreciated the first time round.

it's a bit like watching an action movie, innit.

the first time you see one it's so fun! and exciting! and wow plot twist!

but the second time you already know what's gonna happen and it falls a little flat.

so that's that.

i hope it updates soon.