Lately I've been feeling, comment dire, horrendous.
I don't know where it came from - it's crept up and sprung onto me so suddenly but maybe it's been there all along.
I had another one of those "deepest certainties" recently & it's tearing me apart.
(no offence @ said certainty but i could've certainly done perfectly fine without, thank you very much)
I don't know I don't know I'm strained inside out & I don't know if this is because of school or if it's just me being the usual, y'know, inadequate and mediocre and incapable and gross.
I feel horrible & I need to talk to people because it's so dangerous, I think, to bubble myself up like this.
I exist too much in dreams.
it's so horrible it's so so horrible and i feel so alone
also, what does it mean when rationally you know that life is beautiful and wondrous and precious but emotionally you want 2 die
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