And so there we lay.

Carefully-constructed words aimed cautiously at the other.

Voices hushed and low.

Controlled to keep the emotions behind them at bay.

Bitten tongues and wary walk-aways.

A pageful of "never mind"s and "it's ok"s.

Not knowing whether to empathize or hate.

Gingerly leaving a frayed knot alone lest it twines even more around itself.

Wanting to despise and lash back, but understanding the unwanted consequences.

Lost.

That's what I am.

That's what you are.

That's what everyone was/is/will be.

My thoughts confound me, they really do.

Am I capable of all these?

A fleeting moment of glory.

Of fondness for the beauty of the play of words.

I need to find The Still Point again.

That book is the epitome of perfection.

It is the reason I love to write.

It is, no other words, my inspiration.

I need to find it.

I need to find it so I can lose myself once more in the icy cool transcience of it all.

My favourite book, no doubt, besides A Little Princess.

The tale of a young wife, promising to wait for her husband the unsung hero exploring the Pole.

I hate teen books now.

So shallow.

Those from the adult section are much more appealing.

The Still Point just screams me.

It is me.

I am trapped in some silly Elizabethan era, am I not?

Is it not the reason I think the way I do?

I need to find The Still Point.

You brought me into this.

I never asked for any of it.

But nothing's greater than the rush that comes with your embrace.

Regrets.

I've had many.

Today, there was one added to my list.

But s'okay, that I can rectify.

But my biggest regret in life so far?

Not appealing for Full Lit.

I do not feel the delicious adrenaline for geography like I do for literature.

It pains me to think that I will have to put up with this for the next 2 years.

My fault.

Ashamed.

Silly mistakes to make, really.

My cheeks burn in crimson shame.

Ah, alone in a world of billions.

Watching.

Observing silently.

"At the fringe like outsiders".

Looking on as everything continued.

Growing distant.

Breaking away.

Falling apart.

There it is.

That feeling again.
That disturbing feeling when your eyes are clamping shut, dead tired.
Dead tired, but the mind is alive.
Alive with thoughts.
Thoughts of people, of things.
Flitting.
Flitting little thoughts.
Flitting big thoughts.
Everything flashes past.
And yet you feel dead.
Dead tired.

I can't sleep.

Ok.

Now I have almost everything.

Organise.

I just need to organise.

I need to drive myself to organise.

where is patience when I need it.

70% of me is screwed up.

Cursing, swearing, feeling urges to tear up books, sheets of paper, notes.

Wanting to kick every person who walks into this room.

"Leave me the f alone!"

Wanting to cry, but I won't.

Wanting to bash the computer screen.

Wondering.

"Why is no one replying the texts?"

Hating life.

Eating too much.

30% sane.

"You have no reason to be stressed, this is not stress. You'll know stress when you get older. This is only frustration."

Knowing that it would be stupid to cry.

Stupid to destroy.

Stupid to hurt.

Telling the other that the people walking in are only doing what they need to do.

Telling the other.

Breathe, and it would be fine.

Empty, organize your mind, things would get clearer.

What am I going to do?

I don't think I can approach anyone on this.

And if you're wondering.

No, I'm not fine.

I've been working for 3 hours straight.

My pile of homework is still not diminishing.

And I overslept.

I need to do a reschedule.

Enya, Enya, Enya

What a pretty name.

I truly do envy those who are named Enya.

It sounds so romantic.

❤

I'll get by.

I know you don't like her, but need you accuse her so much?

You make me so angry!

Urgh.

Siiiigh. Happy days, they were. (':

For some reason (don't ask me why), I've been reading MSN histories, especially those mass group ones. And I think I really laughed a lot!

Why can't everyone stay like that?

Without any rivalries or any of that crap?

I miss those days, I really do.

Sec 2 was awesome, no?

death by durians?

I think I'm getting a sore throat from having too much.

Last week I kinda had one, 'cause one morning I woke up with a searing pain in my throat.

(You know that kind of pain you feel when you try to swallow but it hurts doing that?)

And I'm having a runny nose.

And lots of phlegm.

I think that's the root cause.

This morning I sneezed so much I had to use 6 pieces of tissue paper.

I wonder, when will I fall sick?

I mean, I feel so terrible already, but the fever never comes!

But if I DO fall sick, that would mean missing E-Lit and/or SS test.

That means I'll have to retake other times.

Or maybe not at all.

Then I have only my sucky 7/12 SS mark to rely on for CA2.

*sigh*

2.4km run tomorrow too.

Save my soul.

Can I survive?

)':

Back to E-Lit then.