today I feel a little odd about things.
it's been an obscene mix of everything but
it kind of all boils down to
i am happy, and everyone else is not.
today also I had an exchange with a person
and maybe it gutted me
because it made me decide that
to everyone there are interminable layers
and it made me re-evaluate everything I know
(how I am; how I think, feel)
so really
I should be forgiving, I should be kind
(I should be a little less of a narcissist
has this been the right mechanism? idk
i make injudicious choices sometimes)
and now it is as if everything around me has become, without warning, impossibly fragile
I feel a sort of necessity to second guess things
tread lightly because surface glass may be precarious thin
underneath is a dark, turbulent mass of no-one-knows-what
and no one knows.
and if I weren't careful, if I were so unjustly, unknowingly brash
(with a person)
how messily would that glass shatter.
it is a little questionable exactly how
but by the end of tonight
I would have someone's life in my hands
(howhowhowfuck)
and there will be sad people out there but
I have someone's life in my hands???
is this a thing that should happen??
fuuuuuuuuck.
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