In this tug-of-war, you'll always win.

I had a scary dream last night.

I dreamt of war and bloodshed and knives and hooks and.

And I missed my flight, a journey to somewhere important, and.

And I turned in an incomplete O level written paper for Malay and couldn't get an A1 for it.

That last dream was the scariest.

-.-

Ariana Grande is soo cute!

(':

Lu-lullaby

Well well,

I had a beautiful week towards the end, I can hardly believe it.

Thursday was the best day because we sang in the morning, and singing releases endorphins which obviously made me happy.

Then we had an amazingly amusing SS lecture which I enjoyed a lot.

And fast forward to much later, I had my first ever lesson with my sec 2s.

But I really promise to work harder and improve them(the lessons) by so much more!

Aye.

Can you imagine how tough it might be?

Some people want to teach the Sec 1s, some want the Sec 2s, or Sec 3s.

And lo and behold, I get the best of everything.

That's besides the point btw.

After RC meeting which ended so much earlier due to having only 6 pumpings for punishments, Alyssa, Jan, Nicole, Nicolette, and I played soccer/rugby/captain's ball with Trudy, Yue Ning, Natalie Wong, Si An and Elizabeth(if I'm not wrong my memory fails me I should have blogged about this earlier), such unusually active people..

But anyway, I actually kinda enjoyed the sports game and had fun. (:

On Friday, well, I just felt like myself again.

Today, after BTNR, I went to Coffee Bean with Charmaine and Kimberly Ang for a cheesecake because I was craving for one.

It was delicious, especially while ranting.

I took 171 from Bukit Timah all the way to Yishun.

It was worth it because I got a window-seat the whole way and no one sat beside me and I had my little private sanctuary while reading Ernest Hemingway's The Old Man and The Sea with the mp3 playing and I was peaceful and content and carefree.

For only 22 cents.

And finally, dinner at PastaMania with my wonderful sister.

But some things are still upsetting me.

Siiigh.

):

I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry.

G

Why does the capital G look so weird.

Goodbye Lullaby

:-)

What a weekend.

So proud of SCRCY for, well, just being so wonderful.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There were really many many proud moments yesterday and I think Sec 3s, you did very well.

Don't need to be sad about not winning.

If you have to be sad about anything, it should only just be that you did not put in enough effort which I know was definitely NOT the case.

You didn't fail.

You only fail when you give up.

And you didn't.

(Anyway, some school just relied on sluttiness anyway......)

Also, all 3 of the most brilliant levelmates got the lanyards!!!!!!!!

Congrats Miselle, Nicole, Nicolette!

You really showed the other schools.

I'm glad xxx didn't get one.

And one thing that really irritated/irked/pissed me off yesterday was that some other schools were making fun of everyone. So disgusting.

Choir concert was amazing.

SC Superstar was inspirational.

Went to Macs after that with Jan even though it was 9.45pm because if not Jan wouldn't eat.

Dear Fate,

Please give me a good week.

And even if you don't give me a good childhood, let my future be wonderful then.

Love and hope,

Me.

This week is also a killer week.

Speech English test.

SS test.

E-Lit test.

French test.

Omgggggggggggggg.

Oh yeah, and I'm going to get my F.Geog test back tomorrow too.

Haiya.

We are all already sick of the many punishments and having to constantly remind/scold.

Please, next week.

Just.improve.

Lips that felt just like the inside of a rose.

Haiyaaaa today I went home and therapied myself.

KUJG Fbkawjgd vnbsjdkbv zaeskdfncv bhauwjelKSM,xcnfvhbujkwslecx,m nbhjvujfeiklsxk,mcnv

My life is boring.and.predictable.

I don't have anything to look forward to anymore.

So anyway, today, I wrote 6 whole pages in my diary and read past birthdays letters.

Just because, you know.

Aaaand I planned how I would want my last day on earth would be like.

That is, if I know when it would be.

I swear, if I know, I will not be sad.

(:

I will be calm and composed and accepting.

Because you can't change Fate.

And also, it would help me to live life to the fullest till then without regrets.

Don't ask me how come I am not currently living my life, then.

It's just that I hate running a race without knowing the finish line.

Doesn't give me the motivation if it feels as if I will keep running forever and ever and ever without stopping.

Not like I like running, anyway.

Also, for some reason, today I have been feeling as if I am to have no future.

It somehow does not scare me, but it's queer.

Meaning, I felt like my end was near.

Somewhere.

But anyway, if I die young, then it's alright.

It really is.

(:

Today was a better day!

Yay!

MT Listening compre was.. amusing.

But I swear if I don't get full marks for it I'd be pissed.

And tomorrow I'm getting my A-Math test back for sure!

I'm sure I did the best, so I am not worrying.

And tomorrow is the racial harmony celebration!

Hehehe so excited to see what people would wear! (:

I hope tomorrow would be a better day.

I am so hungry.

Craving for a margherita pizza.

Yum.

P:

You can take everything I have.

I like Demi Lovato's Skyscraper. (:

Why am I so unhappy today and others so peacefully content?

Is something wrong with me?
Is it wrong to feel so upset?

Is it wrong?

I really wonder.

):

Why is no one there for me yet?

Why am I expecting so much?

Why must I be so imperfect?

Why am I so emo today?

Why?

Why??

Is it stupid to feel this way?

Is it pathetic?

One day I might regret posting this, no idea why, but I guess no one will read this so.

Why is no one there for me yet?

Do they not care?

??

You are an idiot.

You think no one's there for you?

You're wrong because you forgot me, I guess.

Question is, will you be there for me?

What an emo day.

Tell me that you need me, then you go and cut me down.

Struggling to keep my head above water.

POC Dinner was nice enough. (:

A-Math test today was ok.

Today was a bad day.

I am such a despicable creature.

(:

On a happier note, we are all so very happy and proud of the fact that SCRCY got into the finals for Cats 3-5!

Wonderful, really.

And impressive. (;

I wanna watch the finalsss.

):

Really? What is this again?

Really?

Like, really really?

Here I am once more, stuck in this position.

Giving out care and love and concern and kind words and hugs and smiles and.

And pieces of my heart away.

And I don't know what I will earn from this, I really don't, but I suppose I just like to feel needed especially in times like these and I guess it just reminds me of vague hope but I shouldn't be led in too easily again and oh, I don't know, I really don't.

Don't you reckon a pillar needs its own support too?

):

Lately, I have been sneezing a lot. I need to get rid of all this phlegm.

Aryan's sick, poor kid. I really won't mind having him transfer his fever to me.

I never fall sick.

That's kinda sad.

Anyway.

At least you make me feel like I exist.

So thanks, and sorry.

We can go nowhere but up from here.

I liked my week-end enough, I guess.

Hope I've recuperated enough. :/

I wonder, I wonder.

I wonder why each little bird has a someone.

To sing to, sweet things to.

A gay little love melody?

I wonder, I wonder.

If my heart keeps singing,

Will my song go winging?

To someone, who'll find me,

And bring back a love song to me.

I love Sleeping Beauty so much.

Lord of The Flies.

What a powerful novel.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Next only to TFA, it is on my list of Favourite Literature Books.

Stranded in my very own home.

The past week had been torture and it actually is able to compare with one of the worst weeks I've had a few moons ago.

This weekend, I plan to recover and recuperate with some R&R (hahahaha alliterationnn) but still incorporate some much-needed studying.

So far I've gotten my Chemistry file done. (Since technically it's the only homework I have left, besides French.) I'm planning to do some A-math revision also. I can't do bio though, I stupidly left my notes in school. >:

Anyway, what else have I been doing.

I am reading Lord of The Flies by William Golding, seeing that I have a little time to read. It's a nice literature book, and yeah, I am using Sparknotes to read the analysis. -.- I am so glad I have something literary to entertain myself with. (I am not over my huge regret of not appealing, tyvm.) Now that TFA is over, I feel so. ): I loved that book.

Today, actually I didn't accomplish much. I fasted though, maybe that's why I couldn't bring myself to do anything? :/ Tomorrow, I've cancelled my plan to fast because I want some stuff done.

I want to try to make molten lava cake for my family!

Also, I have given up on friendship.

You know what.

Actually I'm torn between being the one who will always be there for everyone else, remembering to constantly ask 'you ok?' and try to be that good enough friend, but at the same time sacrificing myself because then I will always expect people to treat me the exact same way I treat them (that never happens, I swear).

Or the childish spoilt person who would want everything to go my own way and be glad when something bad happens to them only because they never were good enough friends to me, sacrificing my pride still.

Darn this is incoherent.

Foolish games, my sweet.

Song of my day. )':

Omg.

):

)':

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

):

);

):

Really??

))))))):

)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))):

Why make it so public?

):

)))):

)':

))))))))))))))':

I must try to change myself first, then.

Away with negative feelings!

Highho, petty annoyances!

Get lost, and may you never return!

I'm trying not to have any emo posts.

But this time, just this once.

OK?

I don't know who I am to anyone anymore.

So many people changed already, it's sickening me.

What am I to you?

An inanimate jar you pour your secrets in whenever and leave other times?

I'm not gonna play along anymore, thanks.

And what the HECK happened to you ever since you were crowned?

Forgot your roots already?

Urgh.

Stupid things I've done in the past; those I regret so much.

And stupid things I did NOT do; I regret those more.

Wish I could bring myself to act like a ___ but karma always comes round and it will always come back to me.

Aww.

I hope you know.

That this has nothing to do with you.

It's personal, myself and I

We've got some straightening out to do.

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket

But I've gotta get a move on with my life

It's time to be a big girl now

And big girls don't cry.

♥

Sorry.

Oh wow.

Mm, it feels really odd having the room.

It's like having our very own little home in the school.

And no one will intrude.

It's really weird.

:/

But nonetheless, still quite thrilling, I suppose.

So many plans for it that sometimes we forget it will only be for a year.

One year doesn't pass by so slowly, does it?

Oh wow, I'm turning 15 in 2 months now.

Oh wow.

On an unrelated yet related note, I am STILL thinking about how I shall carry out my role as OA mistress for the pretty much the whole unit.

Miss Song wants everyone accreded for bronze by end of T3. ):

Mm, but it's ok.

I think I know how to already.

Hope it works.

And I also hope they will embrace a new core subject with positivity.

This will be very fun.

(:

I procrastinate too much.

I love love love white chocolate.

So many tests + 1 major exam next week. :s

I should go make sure all my homework's done or something.

-.-

Bye!