how i'm feeling, it doesn't matter

I do not wish to celebrate my birthday.

I've been thinking about it for an excessively long period, really.

But I've thought it through and through and it is presently cemented.

There is nothing I am looking forward to.

16 does sound sweet, it is not to be revoked, and no one - absolutely no one - knows how much I have been dreaming of reaching this age all my life.

Growing while surrounded with romantic, Disney-princess ideas have made concrete the natural expectation of being kissed lightly by sudden blessings of this coming-of-age.

Oh but la!

Everything has come to this.

This.!

Shan't I repine, then?

I have been cleverly deceived.

That is still not the point.

Oh hell let me just say this straight.

I do not feel deserving of anything.

This..birthday thing..is hardly anything to my taste right now.

I do not want it.

I have been reminded too many times.

"Oh, you! I have been preparing your birthday present since last year!"

Please don't.

Please..no.

I am not deserving of it.

Do you now see how much of an injustice on your part it would be if you took too much effort?

I am not deserving of your effort, of your kindness, of your thought.

And will you please, stay away from me.

Flee quickly, for if you stay, I think you will only lose.

Do not cling to any hope.

I've been a terrible person to you.

Do you really want to do so much for someone like me?

Please, I beg of you, no.

Run away, hurry! do not take notice of me.

You will only get choked by the daft indifference and unconcern which I will irrevocably impose unto you.

Please don't do anything for me.

let a real nigga make it right

You don't deserve the sting for all your kind deeds to me.

the reason why my best friend said she love me more than life but i live a double life and need to let her go

I do not want a birthday.

I do not need the sudden spring of affection and attention - it is utterly unnecessary.

I think I'd rather fade into the background.

I do not want the noticing.

I do not want the insincere presents which I know will come.

I do not want the overdose I have not worked enough for.

and I don't wanna trip over what aint mine

If I get anything, I will cry.

bridge over troubled water; ice in my muddy water

There is something else too.

I am completely sick, revolted, of doing exceedingly kind, good things for someone - you must remember I am not obliged to it and can, at any time, decide to give dust as thoughtfulness - and have the most parched kind of appreciation.

What, are you dry of courtesy?

I have spent more than a week doing that and received less than a minute's worth of gratefulness.

much rather spend it all on that OVO and that XO

Well, thank you kindly then!

Everything is overrated.

Screw this shit; I don't want to be part of it.

it's my birthday, i get high if i want to

And this birthday, I would be at perfect ease if it were treated like another average, mediocre, uninspiring day.

I do not want extravagance or thoughtless gifts.

I'd much rather bask in a mutual, friendly affection I would like to think I've already acquired.
Or otherwise, at most, I would just use it as a cunning way to get the shoes or albums that I want.

These are birthday favors, are they not?
I think it is quite universally acknowledged that these kind of favors are ones which can rarely be denied.

looking in the mirror i'm embarrassed

i'm feeling like a suicidal terrorist