First, I want and need Roman Reloaded.
So much.
I had been trying to save up for it but I've never managed to.
)':
I am literally a PF:RR celibate.
I've been starving myself of any song from there.
I am going to keep on abstaining until I get that album.
The only ones I've listened to are those Nick released, or made a video for, or promoted.
I mean, I haven't even allowed myself to acquaint with the studio version of Roman Holiday.
Pound The Alarm is now released.
Nicki's gonna release the mv for it soon.
I never wanted to listen to it yet.
But.
It came on.
And when into the first few seconds.
I knew.
It was Nick on the radio.
It was a new song.
It was something I've never heard.
It was 'Pound The Alarm'.
My instincts were right.
And I don't know why I tortured myself by making me listen to it when I'm not meant to.
I need Roman Reloaded.
B.o.B's amazing.
Strange Clouds is another album I'd like to have.
I wasn't really impressed with the first, but god.
He's so much better now.
He has Lil Wayne & Taylor Swift collab-ing with him (prudence!).
And he's great, k?
Jay-Z & Kanye together are amazing.
They make.
THE best songs.
I like Kanye West.
I really, really, really, really, really do.
Omg.
I love, love, love Take Care.
I don't know how, but I'm still so fascinated by it.
Listening to it is like watching a concert.
There are interludes; the songs flow; stories are told.
And I don't know how Drake does it either, but he makes rap art.
I think I'm having terrible mood swings.
Today especially.
I had coffee in the morning - it was good.
Then my mind was awake but my body was too weary for words.
My body gets really exhausted easily nowadays.
I don't know why.
Is it because of my sleeping time?
That can't be, right, I mean I sleep so early now.
That can't be, right, I mean I sleep so early now.
Oh right.
I don't eat because I have no f-cking time.
It's a damn luxury now to even have time to eat proper meals in school.
Fck fck fck fck fck fck fck.
I'm jealous of them kids who could afford to eat well.
Because the f-ck can't I do that when you can?
I am hell annoyed right now.
Even more so 'cause I can't rant to anydamnbody.
So what I really feel like doing now is really fly into some rude-ass rage.
See, hun, my f-ing problem here is.
My mood swings are irrational, ok?
I can go for an hour feeling all the peace of the world with this faraway dispatched smile I can't bloody remove for some reason because I really do feel so happy even though I know I had nothing to be happy for.
So my other damn problem is how people seem to want too much to break these.
Hell, bit, are you truly so bent on wanting to make me mad?
Insolence; impudence!
Quit it; pause!
Because I get hella outraged when I have my damn happiness snatched away like it was nothing.
How dare you - how dare you!
When I become happy, when I actually become happy, I feel like I can't ask for more.
These times come randomly.
Walking in the light rain and then Blood comes on because the lilting, sweet tune accompanies perfectly.
Feeling dew of the leaves on my hands.
Sharing food with friends in the classroom.
Knowing my angel is actually helping me.
Listening to an amazing song on max.
Having amazing teachers.
Then some thing just has to crop up and f-ck everything up.
Well okay, so I'm not feeling well right now.
I think I am disassociated with my reality, and that is the truth.
I am deceiving myself.
Sly bitch.
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