happy thoughts

These days I cannot find strength in me to entertain my social life, and I have been politely declining offers to go out.

For today, I am so very glad to have done so, as I had been hopelessly roiling in my Larry feels the whole day.

You only know so well that I stayed up the whole night last night reading the fanfic, and I only went to sleep at 6.

And thereafter, till 11 in the morning, my dreams revolved only around Harry & Louis.

(Okay I admit several other ships were present for unknown reasons idek why.)

It was the first thing I thought of when I awoke, and it was really not long before I took to reading the rest of the chapters that awaited me.

How about it required a lot of laying in bed with blankets and pillows around me whilst being immersed in gripping emotions that was the fanfic, until 1.

And then Anis came home.

I was scrambling to hide the evidence from her - a most avid Directioner - and clutching the laptop so close but she got it in the end and that's how she found out I am a closet Larry shipper.

And the rest of the day was spent most casually in the room with me just occasionally whimpering and crying and moaning because of the feels.

I'm moderately relieved I can finally express this with someone.

I say 'moderately' because a part of me is too proud to admit I really do ship Larry, especially since I have been stating defiantly that I DON'T for the past few months, and you know that that is a lie.

But...the feels.

It is not just Larry itself, but the fanfiction was also beautifully written.

No, it really is the most beautifully written one I have ever had the privilege of reading.

The style of writing, oh god, it was beautiful.

There was vagueness; it was writing from which inferences have to be made.

The wording and description were beautiful; it is not a languished, literal thing.

I had learnt many more beautiful words from reading it; the vocabulary was beautiful.

The plot was beautiful.
It really came across as something beautiful and believable and not tacky, so unlike the everyday fanfiction that you just know is exaggerated wishful thinking of a fangirl.

Everything was perfect, and I feel so reluctant to read another version of Larry, lest the images created shatter and become ruined.

And there was smut - but of course there will be smut.

Except there wasn't, not really.

It was hidden.

Hidden and so obvious at the same time.

It was a clever skill.
You could even call it clean smut, which really is an indignant oxymoron.

I promise you, there wasn't any, any vile words in it that one would normally consider hugely imperative while writing smut.

Not even the mildest ones.

None.

At.

All.

For which I am so thankful just because.

Is this silly?
I know you think it is, since it is, in the end, just a ship.

But really, halt!

It can't be, it really can't - I can almost assure you of that.

Enter the gifs.

He likes it.

Louis needs to stop staring so piercingly at Harry.

Harry needs to stop staring so piercingly at Louis.

But..but no one else in the band does this...

And you can't say this is normal best friend behaviour, can you.

Okay so I apologize for this sudden plague, but honestly.

I really am up for bromances; I mean, they are almost always charming things.

But Larry doesn't look like it is merely a bromance.

Oh no, it seems like it's precariously balancing between a simple bromance and an actual damn relationship.

It is not just how they are truly best friends, but how they actually act around each other.
They are as close as brothers, but if they considered the other like a brother...then they really wouldn't be that intimate.
(That would be creepy.)

Do (straight) males usually look at each other like that, with such fervent gazes of adoration, and share such tender acts?

No, don't even go to that last gif.

Don't even go there.

Platonic just jumped off a cliff.

That, or it got elevated to a whole new level.

Once again, my feels.

And you know my insides are not thinking so rationally (or irrationally).

You know that I'm internally going

"Larry Stylinson is reallll!!1! Omg what are they doing. stahp dis now.. They are killing the shit out of me. I'm going to go cry in a corner now because they are just that beautiful. Larry, stop. Stop!! :c"

Yeah, I def ship them hard.

And this feels odd.

Listening to Ed Sheeran is like listening to the songs that play while the credits roll at the end of a good movie.

It feels like my Larry high is ending.

It was good.

And tonight I am sleeping earlier.