being as in love with you as i am

Oh god.
I think I've just discovered one of those great amazing indie bands.
Oh god oh no.
Their music is so good.
I can't.

And they're indie as in really indie.
The xx - has anyone heard of that?
I didn't think so either.

I will get their album soon, if I can even find it.
(But then again if I can find Russian Red..)

I have found a new muse.
x

one way or another

prayer circle for louis please.

is that your window

but you don't get it Larry Stylinson is my life now.

the crown of our pharoah

Victoria does not offer Victorian Literature.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Because Victorian literature is one of my favourite kinds of literature.

but if it brings me to my knees

Nicki I still love you.
And Frank Ocean too.
And Drake.

Aren't you glad that Jay and Kanye rhyme tho.

cyanide in my styrofoam cup

y.

you're still the one

Anyway, it has been a week.
This week we had a cross-country at ECP and it was 3.2km long.
Also I was in the competitive runners group.
So I was scared and all.
But it turns out that it all felt really good.
2.4km is worse, I think.

French is scary.
Econs is pretty formidable tbh.

There will be a lit trip to London.
I want to go.

one day, maybe next week

1D post so uh..you know what that means??
Run. Run very far away & never come back.

TMH world tour has officially started dO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
More Larry moments captured on gifs omggg can't wait please tour Larry is the best Larry.
Bless all these people video-ing everything tahnk youuuuuu.

Also, who gave them permission to sING THE I WANNA HOLD YOU TIGHT DUET IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER WHO GAVE THEM THE ABSOLUTE RIGHT.

And.
Why.
Are these.
On so many.
Fashion/hipster blogs.
Why.

Why do you have a picture of tattoos Harry got for Louis & himself on your blog when you do not even know about the existence of this ship.

On how many hipster blogs has this picture been on without anyone knowing that's frickin Harry & Louis right there.

Why is there a photoshopped picture of Harry and Cara on fashion blogs.
Do they not know this is fake.
(I checked the notes I swear I was hoping maybe this came from a 1D blog at least but no are people legitimately that.)
Plus do they not know they never dated.
Do they even know who they reblogged.
Or did they just think oh this looks good yeah.
(Because is it just me who feels guilty when I reblog something without knowing its history, since I feel like I have no right to do that.)
Can I laugh then die.
Because srsly.
Srsly.
Seriously.

Of course I still believe Harry and Louis are in a relationship.
They are in the closet but the door is so wide open.
And I swear.
They will come out some day.
Next month, next year, ten years later, idk.
But they will come out.
And the day they do, I promise nothing - and I mean nothing - can touch me.

Reasons why I still don't want to be considered part of the 1D fandom even though I really am but I'm really not:
Directioners vs Non-Directioners.
Tumblr Directioners vs Facebook Directioners.
Larry shippers vs non-Larry shippers.
Larry shippers vs Elounor shippers.
Shippers vs shippers.
Tops vs bottoms.
If I count myself in, then I'll officially be involved with all this and all this is overwhelming.

Okay but really why.
Why.
Why.
Why are any of the boys on any of those blogs.
Why.

Even though yeah I know Harry puts male models to shame and none can be prettier than Louis or Zayn I know.

Rant may or may not be over.
I am just so annoyed.
It is of such trivial standards but it is so vexing.

PLUS WHICH PART ODF HARRY IS IN LOVE WITH LOUIS AND DOES NOT CARE ABOTU ANY OF THEM OTEHR GIRLS DO YOUN OT UDNERSTSAND.

no i guess not looks like i'll have to fix that obSOLETE BLOODY MINDSET OF YOURS.

please i'm sorry if i were offensive it's just ya know.
no this isnt drected at you its just to let off steam.
and let you see what i bloody see ok.

wanna hold you tight

Here, let me show you why Harry Styles is a little cupcake princess okay.

He has on a tiara.
His shirt has a million little hearts on it.
WHat else do you want me to say.

She likes to swish her skirts like that because it makes her feel pretty.

Harriet, remember not to get your suit dirty - it is so terribly expensive.

What a demure little pageant princess.

That one time Liam tried the whole docile thing..and she he just has to bring it up a notch.

It's his pink birthday cake.

Yes thank you cupcake.

I swear.
Why.
Do people still think he's straight again?

Let me also show you why Louis makes me want to die.

See, still a camp bastard.
(And can I just say he's probably the only one ever to be able to pull this outfit off.)
Then other times he puts away his fairy glitter and we get this.

And this.

Oh wait.
I take that back.
He is so gay.

And people still think they are all straight because..?

tell me a lie

Okay.
If you are not cringing at the grammar mistake in that last sentence I'm judging you.

I promise it wasn't purposeful stupidity.
It's just.. -_-
What. Is wrong. With me.
And I want to edit it but it's just seriously a testimony to the degradation of my English thanks to ykw.
So I guess soon I'll start writing "defiantly" in place of "definitely", and have my "you're"s overwritten by "your"s.

My ennglish is soo impeccabLE.

pain is only relevant if it still hurts

10.15pm and I finally get an early weeknight.
(ahhhthankyouthankyouohgodyesfinallyicanjustcollapse)

In other news, my body is positively aching everywhere, and what I've been doing isn't really the brunt of it all.

In other other news, found a Narry shipper on tumblr awww Narry's her otp.
How cute.
Lirry's a tough ship; there isn't really enough connection between harry and liam really.
I mean, I read one well-written Lirry fic and it was great but I didn't feel anything because.

Look who's language skills are going downnnnnnnnn.

it's on like donkey kong

Applying for a scholarship while listening to this.
Hahahahahah I love this thing.
:)

and a hard shell is good to find

Oh god.
I give up with the exercise.
This weekend will see extreme body aches.
Tooooooooooooo muchhhhhh.

Then again.
48?
Uhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Nope.

Oh yes.
And the McLennon ship of The Beatles fandom.
It actually exists.
On tumblr.

There are even fanfics.
And gifs.
Black-and-white gifs.
Black-and-white because it was that long ago.
Let us consider that for a moment.

Woah.

clouded like tonight's sky

I've almost forgotten the delicious feeling of pain I get from proper exertion.

Pain as in the good, healthy kind - the only good kind I think.

It will hurt like a bitch tomorrow but.

Feels good to feel this good.

heart beats harder, time escapes me

trembling hands touch skin

it makes it harder

and the tears stream down my face

Sometimes I forget, and I really shouldn't.

is like losing yourself in exercise and it's great.

This sounds terrible and morbid but really man what else do you want me to take okay.

my mind is gone

Just tried writing a literary analysis and.
Oh my goodness Tumblr what have you done to me.
"however its is evidently irrelevant"

a cold sweat, hot-headed believer

On loneliness being spun into golden solitude.

but we carry on

I think my life is destined to have One Direction in it.
Let's see.
It was December 2011, and I started by falling in dislike for 1D that was everywhere.
As in, I abhorred them.
A few months later, this happened on my dash (grâce à ma soeur).



And I got the slightest stirrings in the deepest parts of my stomach, because heck this is too cute and best friends don't do that.
(And so this gif is fondly remembered as my converter.)
Another few months later, during the December holidays, I got insanely bored one night and thought, hey I used to read some fanfictions, yeah, I'm sure they'll have a couple of Larry fics yeah that would be awesome and so cute, since they're so cute together, and what is it, larry stylinson yes.
Basically that was it.
(Happy Thoughts was my ticket aboard the SS Larry you practically saw a live transmission of me becoming a full-fledged Larry shipper if you were reading this blog.)
Blah blah downward spiral into the fandom on Tumblr blah.
And soon these showed up.


And hello SS Ziam.
Then I got accepted into a school with Live While We're Young on their promo vid.
Then the 1D 3D movie opens on 30 August.

Yep.
Story of my life.

might just die

No but really More Than This is such a good song to mope to.

something's got to give

I think I can listen to this forever and ever and ever.
Half of it is Zayn's solo from More Than This which is one of my absolute favourite 1D song moments.
Ugh I can't.
I know I've always said I love Louis' voice, and Harry's too, and even more when they sing together because they are great together, but I think I've never acknowledged how great Zayn sings.
His voice is indigo.
(Like how Harry's is like warm chestnut, and rich and gravelly.)
I really, really cannot take this.

Also More Than This is a brilliant song to mope to.
And this solo is great because Ziam.
(Yes I think Liam and Zayn sound so good together and it's not just because I ship Ziam even though most of it is.)

Oh, I didn't mean for this post to be this long.
I just wanted to say how much I love Zayn's voice.

I've never had the words to say,
But now I'm asking you to stay
For a little while inside my arms.
And as you close your eyes tonight,
I pray that you will see the light
That's shining from the stars above.

pray that you will see the light

My sister and brother are such dolls, god.

  

This is what they literally just tumbled into my room for, with faces bright and expectant.
I didn't have it in me to vote for just one and break one of their little hearts, so I ticked in both boxes even though there was an adamant rule that YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR BOTH and even though I ticked Aryan's box a little darker because I secretly liked his drawing more.

Okay so I think they're mad we're not being fair.
Help me vote or something?
(Aryan drew an airport, Adani drew a playground like duh.)
Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaasssssssseeeeee for peace of minds of my loves.

you've got that one thing

All I want to do in life is love children.

a weapon of massive consumption

Have you ever stopped to think and realised that the only thing you are is a body.

dancing alone

This had been a supremely trying week, but.

But things can only get better, and so I look very much forward to that.

And in the meantime, I will rely on myself to be happy.

(Probably will resort to odd manners as always.

You know, because how else can an odd person soothe herself.)

And remember not to want and feel.

Such trials, though, such trials.

I had my very first French lesson on Thursday at Bishan MOELC and I thought, when I first got there, how at home I was.

It feels so lovely to be at a place I feel so very familiar with.

Ran into Madame Tse (not literally, though that would be quite funny and amusing).

And since it was 5, and break time for the little kids, I was just sitting at a table in the canteen and doing a little people-watching.

They are tiny.

They are such tiny kids I swear I was not that small in Sec 1 I swear.

But then I got to class, and it's an air-conditioned lab yes.

Come to think of it, my JC academic life looks like it will be filled with air-conditioned days thank god for the batch jacket that is so homey and lovely.

People in the class are great.

Great, as in great.

Great.

There are Nikki and Joseph (hahahahaha Joseph ahahahhahah ha I have to see him for another 2 years this funny amusing person to watch I can't) from last year, and I'm glad to see them because in this class we get to talk and be friends, so unlike last year where we were very anti-social kids.

The people are friendly, and the boys are fun and easy to talk to.

(She's actually right about that; boys are easier to talk to sometimes.)

There's one who remembers me from Sec 2 and at first I guess I was confused why do you know my name?

You know, actually I still don't know his name should I feel bad I should you know I'll just ask him next week.

So I have great company.

The teacher is a native French speaker and her name is (Mlle) Christelle Fournier and she is pretty and intimidating all at once.

H2 French is intimidating, really.

But now everything is real and I don't know what I'm doing, all I know is I'm doing what I love and I'm just ready to face all this.

I'm sorry this isn't any more articulate - I think the 1D fandom has actually quite corroded my mind.

won't give up till you come back around

Today I chased and teased and tickled my little brother so much he peed in his pants and Mama got angry because he peed his pants so she made him face the wall for ten minutes and then since I was the root cause I had to face the wall too.
I had to smother my face into my palms and pretend that all my gasping for breath and sniffling and shaking was from crying with remorse, because that's what Aryan was doing beside me, but really I was trying not to pee my pants from laughing myself.

So I am turning 17 this year??

i won't forget you

Okay but really how is it that it is so difficult to make solid friends I don't get it?
In SC I got people like Alyssa and Nicolette and Nicole and Jan and Zi Wei and Charmaine and Farah and Kimberly and a million other people I guess and even on tumblr I have Janelle like seriously why's it not so in here idgi no.
My thoughts aren't very coherent but really I'm quite tired had no rest tbh but you get my drift yeah plus you can imagine my refined version of this?

you run my mind, boy

Just a few tiny updates because ya know.

My combi is now lit/econs/french/math and I can't be any gladder because at least I like everything.

Finally fell sick and had a decent fever over the CNY holiday (yayyyyy) I feel so glad because that hasn't happened in years and even though it felt terrible I loved every minute of it..I think.

And apparently the Grammys happened over the weekends?
Frank Ocean you are amazing I am so happy you won a Grammy you deserve it and you performed Forrest Gump good on you so much pride for your bravery you are brilliant I'm still in love with you.
Taylor Swift you are one immature little.

That's all and I'm still too tired and I still miss my friends and that's the only bad part I guess because my grand masterplan either way was to not have friends here but it's one thing wanting to be a loner and another to actually be one so idk I'm still tired.

ur so gay and you don't even like boys

Can't believe I'd actually get the chance to use this line??
But anyway there is this one guy in my OG and around him my gaydar just goes mad god he's so camp but maybe he's straight but then again maybe not you are one fascinating person so girl boy, I got my eye on you.

And I'm tired, tired, tired but things are going perfectly well and I've managed to at least 50% convince Wai Yee (ya know the SC girl in IP she's really nice) into believing Larry's real..which it is.
I feel so accomplished.
Plus the camp dude knows something is up with those two even while he doesn't ship them but come on even if you don't ship Larry, you ship Larry, and I trust his judgement ya know BECAUSE.

darling, how I've missed you

My bed.
Is heaven.

hope your heart hear me now

Okay so I got the combi I wanted.
12 units what am I doing to myself.

Also I've already had my roots grown in Victoria.
Give it a few more days and I think I'll do just fine and be solid and all that.

And god, what would I give to finally see Janelle face-to-face someday sigh.
She might just be one of the best friends I've ever had and I've never even met her.
Ugh.

you need prayer

Goddamit Larry's real.
Thanks friendly-larry-reminders!
Seriously the best place to go to in case of Larry doubts.

Sigh sigh sigh sigh I want an eternity of late, lazy days.
Hmph.

balanced on my head like steak knives

Oh hell it is supposed to be a good day today because of the rain but I guess not.
Racked my brains over subject combi.
And now I really am quite scared of JC life will I cope will I won't cope who knows I guess.
Then I got homesick for SC and the people and the places because everything SC is so familiar and this is foreign territory and.
And then I got Larry doubts and those hurt, those really do you don't know.
Also I possibly insulted someone's OTP okay my fault but who in the actual f puts together Drake and 1D I don't like that I really don't it pisses me off even though I give Ziam some leeway and I'm not ready to share Frank Ocean either.
But what if Larry is a delusion and all my time is wasted on something non-existent and Larry doubts just suck okay?
Sometimes I get selfish and wish they would just come out already so I can stop feeling all this anxiety and prove that everything was/is real but.

but if it brings me to my knees, it's a bad religion.
oh, this unrequited love.
to me it's nothing but a one-man cult.
and cyanide in my styrofoam cup.
i can never make him love me,
never make him love me.
love me,
love me,
love me,
love me,
love me,
love me,
love me,
love me,
love me,
love.

you're my shrink for the hour

No.
No I am not going back down that path no just no.