black umbrella

so tonight I looked in the mirror
and did the

I have a head

I have two arms

I have two legs

I have two eyes, a nose and a pair of lips

I have two ears

I have ten fingers and ten toes

I have a neck and thighs and a stomach

I have a bum

I can see

I can taste

I can hear

I can smell

I can feel
thing
then
I have collarbones
came out
and that was when I knew I had to stop.

wear your heart on your cheek

okay SO at first I was gonna say the usual "don't read this it's probably going to be exTREMEly long and it's about one direction" BUT
I decided no for this because this is important
and really I mean it

right so today I was just doing my thing
(my "thing" constitutes of going on tumblr and twitter and thinking about harry&louis if you haven't noticed um)
and I started thinking a lot a lot about one direction
and how
it is something that is really, really important in my life
and I thought so much I started making a pretend video
you know
the ones where people just talk into the camera
but me I talked into the room mainly
so anyway
I just..wow.

firstly you must know I am not a 
"directioner"
"larry shipper" 
(yeah I'm past that now)
and if you call me any of that
u r dead
because yes, I think harry and louis are in an actual relationship
and this isn't merely a "ship" because in my opinion it is an actual, real thing
(from what I've consolidated after seeing, reading, analysing things with some logic
and "ship" connotates a fictional quality about them and huny there is nothing unreal about the way harry and louis act)
so I've taken to referring to them by harry&louis, and addressing it as if I were talking about an actual romantic relationship between two real people
and I feel like saying that I "ship" them kind of strips away a bit the respect this relationship deserves.
(because yes, sometimes we forget that there are real human emotions of real life people involved within this relationship that shouldn't be played around for entertainment if we are to, you know, bring this up in a real-world situation)
and also I am not a "directioner" because I just don't want to be identified with them "directioners"
I'm not going to attempt to explain it it just doesn't sit well with me
you can leave it at "one direction fan" and I think that's the furthest I can go.
right, so that is out of the way.

basically
understanding the nature of their relationship 
has helped me understand even better the world/society I live in
they are two not-heterosexual men in an extremely internationally-successful pop boyband, and they happen to be in love with each other
then you take into account the fact that majority of the world is still largely homophobic or at the very least very against the whole idea of unstraightness
and the fact that one direction was created to be a goldmine, to bring in loads and loads of cash
and there you go
you start to learn about heteronormativity
and the (glass) closet the boys are forced into
and capitalism, in a way
(how their attainability ordains their success, basically
because their target audience are teenage girls, mainly
and these people are the ones who enable them to earn the amount of money they do
so if not one, but two!! members are not-straight then how the heck are the girls in love with said boys supposed to be as emotionally invested, right?
think of the backlash if one direction doesn't turn out to be the wholesome boyband it is projected to be wow!)

and through one direction's zayn malik
who is the only non-white member so
discrimination issues surface
because zayn is you know muslim and all
and he is faced with so many taunts because of religion
and then there are those who find him not living up to his religion good enough
and zayn has to face all this while juggling fame
and it's important!
and yet it isn't addressed in the movie
while it could have been to bring some depth into it!

and then there's the whole media fiasco
the
appearance vs reality
"reality tv" vs reality
what is real what is not?
print media? filmed interviews where things actually come out their mouths?
what is the agenda here?
the extent that media shoves ideas like "womaniser harry styles" into the minds of the public masses is ridiculous
(did you know on two different occasions they were passing off lou teasdale his married!! stylist and gemma styles his sister!!!! as harry's "new mystery girl" these were /headlines/ on published press let us mull over this for a moment yes thank you

that's...gemma styles??? sister of harry styles??????
am not gonna bother finding the printed news article of lou and harry at the casino
just trust me somewhere on this planet it exists
science is amazin g)
the fact that louis' supposed girlfriend is brought up as much as possible is also fishy as fuck.
(too many incidences if I start I won't stop just trust me on this one they bring her up even when it is highly unnecessary)
they are just pushing louis' heterosexuality so, so hard
and you start to wonder why
hey, is there something they are trying to cover up?
is there something really, really urgent being hidden?
something that carries repercussions so, so heavy the band will be affected oh wait

(I am going to digress a little but
Louis Tomlinson and Louis_Tomlinson are two different people totally
eg. sensitive-to-queer-fans louis vs online-homophobic-bastard louis
"oh, that one's not a lady!" vs "larry is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard"

vs

it just doesn't match up, ok.
once more, real louis vs online persona/twitter louis - who to believe?
how convenient it is to have the second louis be the one more discernible on a very elevated social media platform also.)

(you learn body language
you compare the boys' intuitive reactions
with what they are trying to deny
"oh, but haven't you kissed?" *looong pause, quickly put-together scandalised expression* "...NO!"
"me and harry are just really close" *harry's foot searches louis' under the tables*

not even making this up)

(and the best song ever mv
portrays one direction to be in control
shows them trashing up the studios and going against the executives and their managers and superiors
also harry to be the one taking lead and interacting most with veronica, once again pushing the "harry is leader of the band/harry and his back-up singers" and "womaniser harry styles" images
but is this really, really the case?
does the band really have a say in how they are marketed?
what purpose does the video hope to fulfill at this point?)

so you see
it helps me become by and by more analytical and less prone to passively accepting what is being forced into me left right center
and I'd be damned if this isn't a crucial thing to learn
in this period where pop culture is so prevalent and pervasive
and little kids are just
oh yeah
louis & eleanor are in love ya xxx
I want a relationship just like theirs :) x
they start to emulate them and it's all wrong it's all not right
(having your gf credited for your performance on the football pitch
for your singing
for your well-being
isn't healthy.
this

isn't healthy.
what the heck @JohannahDarling
good job on the PR stuntin')
tbh if you look into louis and eleanor's 'relationship' deep enough
there is nothing healthy about it at all, really.
they don't know anything and
all this blind following is just harsh and it pains me kind of
just
ugh
I get so, so frustrated and wow.
one direction are made out to be these superficial airheads in pop culture but there's so much more to them and no one knows because no one thinks twice when everything is so available and definitely credible tabloids and twitter updates provide all there is to know about one direction.

they don't understand there is so much to learn from them, and this is what sucks a lot.
sometimes I get teased a bit for liking one direction but they don't understand that one direction teaches you a lot
not directly, of course, but
if you put yourself in the proper company
(tumblr users
lapelosa
stupidstagram
thisismyoneluckyprize
poparoll
homeiswithlarry
who are mostly people who are either grown adults, not-heterosexual or both
so yeah, pretty sure they'd have some sound judgement on all this)
and you learn so, so much it is astounding
I am in awe at how much I've begun to comprehend about
sexuality
gender norms
gender identities
feminism, even
(which prevails when you start considering
fan culture
eg. "crazy one direction girls" vs "avid football fans"
voilà misogyny and sexism at work once again)
and then you start applying all this in your daily life and wow
how fucked up society is
( I hate using the word "society" but yeah, it is quite a wrecked thing to an extent.)

and so I am not lying or exaggerating when I say I owe one direction
a lot
because I do
I do owe them, in a way
without them I would've never been exposed to all these
these being things I think every one should delve into
because they carry so much immediate real-life implications

I'd have no problem shipping two m/m fictional characters
(Supernatural Destiel, anyone?)
but it just, I think, /won't/ develop my social-consciousness as well as comprehending louis&harry's situation would
because, once again, the immediate real-life implications one direction offer are incredible.

so yes, one direction really is important in my life.
and not because they tell me that not knowing that I am beautiful is what makes me beautiful
(oh harry once made a lyric change
"you still have to squeeze into your jeans AND you're perfect to me"
not "but", he used "and"
and that makes a hella difference harry is actually really clever and aware fight me on this.)
which are honestly problematic imo
because
oh yeah, you need boys to come and save you to tell you you're pretty
because all girls have internalised insecurities about themselves
just NO. THESE ARE NOT OK MESSAGES. NO.
YOU DON'T NEED BOYS TO COME SAVE YOU 
YOU DON'T NEED THEM TO ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR PHYSICAL LOOKS TO FEEL VALIDATED STUPID MESSAGE STUPID /STUPID/ MESSAGE.
but anyway!
one direction is important in my life because it helps me understand it
without them I don't think I could have opened my eyes well enough to see what is happening around me
and people have to understand that one direction is my own means of understanding myself and the world I live in.
and it's done a damn good job of it.
and right now I am not chiding myself for loving one direction, am I?

also I get to watch them being cute and I get to cry and sob and
I get to read beautiful fics
and watch again all five boys acting in really touching homoerotic ways
and they are all so beautiful
and stupid and cute and endearingly idiotic
and the songs are cool and catchy and just so pick-me-uppy even if problematic
and I make myself happy while learning god damn why aren't we analysing one direction in school school would be sO MUCH FUN IF WE DID.

basically the great thing about one direction is
it can either be another puppet of the music industry for mindless brainwashing by pop cult-ure
or
it can be a way for younger audiences to be exposed to all the issues I mentioned, and more, even.
because yeah they are relevant in so, so, so many ways.

right so there you go
this is why one direction is important in my life
my thoughts were muddled and mixed and convoluted but
you gET IT

this is definitely not the end of it, I'm not gonna lie.
I can go on for hours about one direction and this is really a very diluted version.
literally hours and days.

so uh hm.
this has been a lengthy, genuine one direction appreciation post.
(also I use "understand" too much in this I'm sorry.)

midnight doesn't last forever

ha ha
oh you silly thing
of all things to discuss
you choose the topic of
!!!harry&louis fanfiction!!!

I am so silly I want to laugh at myself
someone anyone come and tell me that
that I am quite the silly creature.

sun hasn't died

in retrospect
I am very glad that happy thoughts was my first ever harry&louis fic
it is that perfect little start
that perfect little nudge
featuring the greatest canon
that is
harry&louis are best friends who happened to fall in love
and it is rpf
(a real-person fiction)
so you may start by understanding properly the chemistry among all the boys
in a real-life band
so it establishes this proper connection
between you (fan/reader) and them (band/characters)
before, say, you move on to an au
(an alternate universe)
where circumstances are vastly different
and thenceforth a little harder to appreciate
when you are still so unfamiliar with the real boys
at least, I think that.
anyway, happy thoughts was also considerably clean
which was absolutely and perfectly what I needed
because at that point
I probably was unable yet to acquaint myself with proper full-on smut
so all the euphemisms and implications were embraced
and either way the tension was enough to send me into a fit
so that was good.
also the writing style was the type I was accustomed enough to
(before I could get myself to broach other writing styles)
and so the whole first time experience was just
wonderful and comfortable and lovely and ugh
yeah
if you want to start reading harry&louis fics
(which I don't think you do but just in case idk)
start with happy thoughts
the greatest beginner fic in the history of harry&louis fics.

like a tv show playing reruns

well I had a pretty idyllic day today I suppose
last night I watched titanic till about 4am or summat
and cried and sobbed a lot
and then I had really really intense titanic!au feels
so I re-read the titanic fic till 5
and woke up at 10am
to continue reading it
(i chose the happy ending first this time bc I couldn't handle any more crying)
((this sounds a lot like the day I read my first louis/harry fic tbh))
there was also a raging thunderstorm outside
so it was comfort in every way
and then when I finally proper got up
the house was empty
(save the cat)
and that was brilliant
took a shower with the doors open
and the stereo outside coolly playing ed sheeran
(how liberating it is to be home alone)
then I had a couple toasted egg-cheese-cucumber sandwiches
while finishing up + and watching adventure time on mute
so it was all slow and quiet and peaceful today
and I really liked that.

pull me closer if u think u can hang

hello friends
this is me telling you that
if you like
you may swear around me any time you please
I will not flinch
maybe I'd be surprised you're one who'd let yourself use "crude" language
but I won't mind
(because there isn't really a moral obligation to use "clean" language, is there?)
as long as you stray from using slurs that are homophobic, ableist, sexist, racist or words that, in any way, keep marginalised groups marginalised
that is to say, as long as you don't ever, ever say things like "retarded" or "that's so gay" to describe something that can't scientifically be gay
I would be perfectly ok with whatever you say.

no but really, if you think it's okay to say the r-word
it's not.

how much longer until people understand that the fucking clothes you choose to wear have nothing to do with your sexuality whatsoever

and i think this is insanely important too like
there're so many things wrong with thinking a man is gay just because he wears pink or if his mannerisms aren't stereotypically "masculine"
or something like that
I mean ok
there is a slightly higher chance of someone being not-heterosexual if that someone doesn't act to fit the gender stereotype
but it does not ordain it.
imo the only way to determine someone's sexuality in a fair manner
is to see who the person is actually sexually attracted to
that is all.

or if you are really curious you can just ask the person ya.

also i'm trying to not remember when i was as ignorant as described above it makes me cringe so bad
jfc the sadness of being raised in a heteronormative society.

a bankhead full of broads

I think my life is easier now because I don't let myself overthink.
in past years I would have absolutely grinded myself with doubts and worries about the relationships I had with people around me
but I really enjoy my life now
because I let things happen and flow freely and all
as in
if I like you, I like you
if I don't, I don't
and that's that
I am not trying to explain my feelings anymore
I think maybe my attempts to self-contemplate have dwindled
but once again
when I feel like self-contemplating, I self-contemplate
when I don't, I just don't
and I don't grill myself for it
I don't make things an obligation
because hey, it's life, what in it is actually a necessity
"nothing in life is compulsory, not even life. you can jump down anytime what" says econs tutor larry lim.
everything's just a human and/or social construct meant to entrap that little bit of meaning from all of this
this being a really vast, incomprehensible thing we are all trying to make sense of
futility of living? meaning of life? why am I here?? ???
in a way maybe I am saying my existential crises are all locked away and dismissed for the moment
I really am content with the way my life is right now
so

anyway I was so dumb in 2010 why did I have any friends at all
most importantly why didnt anyone punch me in the face for being so stupid
where were my tru frendz.

makeup all over the pillow

Okay I know I've been posting a tsunami of things
but
I am not kidding when I say they're all important as fuck
ok
so now I'm asking you to do me a kind favour
and not rush through every new post
and instead
savour each new thing like an exquisite infusion
and let its flavour seep into your bloodstream system thing
and then you may start on the next one
that is I mean if you tend to sprint yourself through everything
especially when there's so many new things
bc that would be boring
as fuck.

at least i think i do

fond gentle loved-up baaaabieeeesssssssssss :_(

 

 

god dammit what did i fucking say don't touch his boy ever ever ever

is that right

it is only me dragging me into this but

our values have clashed

we are looking for different things; we have different purposes now

you have fulfilled your duty in my life, and I, the one in yours

our paths have diverged.

only to find i've come alive

i wish i wasn't such a narcissist
i wish I didn't really kiss
the mirror when i'm on my own
oh god, i'm gonna die alone.

must mistake me, you're the sucker

weyhey I took the colour quiz again after 3 years.

-----

Your Existing Situation

"Works well with others, as long as she doesn't have to take the lead. Longs for relationships which are understanding and relatively conflict-free."

Your Stress Sources

"Looking to stand out in the crowd and wanting to keep her rank and status. her current situation is irritating her because she can't seem to find anybody out there who values the same high standards she does. she is feeling isolated and wants to give in to her carnal urges, but can't bring herself to appear weak in the eyes of others. Wants others to see her unique qualities and character but can't stand to come off as needy, so instead she has an ""I don't care"" attitude and pushing people away. she turns her back on those who criticizes her behavior, but beneath her indifference is a person who is in desperate need of approval."

Your Restrained Characteristics

"Feels she is getting less than she deserves for all her hard work; however, she makes no effort to change things and tries to make the best of the situation."

His confidence is low but she is unable to admit that is the reason for her avoidance of conflict. Feels it is a situation out of her control and she is making the best of it.

Feels unhappy and isolated because she is unable to succeed in finding the cooperation and understanding she desires.

Applies tough standards to her potential partner and demands an unrealistic perfection in her sex life.

Feels as if too many walls and obstacles are standing in her way and that she is being forced to make compromises. she needs to put her own needs on hold for the time being.

Your Desired Objective

Seeks to be known for something she has accomplished and uses her social abilities to win people over. Emotional and sensitive and romantic.

Your Actual Problem

"Impressed by unique and one of a kind things, and by people with exceptional personalities. Tries to takes the characteristics she likes in other people and apply it to herself as well as coming across as a unique individual."

Your Actual Problem #2

"Is disappointed and let down, feels there is no point in making new goals as they will leave her feeling the same way. Looking for friendly, pleasant relationships with others, who will further develop her intellect. she tries to escape into a fantasy world where things go her way and her desires are easier to reach."

-----

o
do u want to know how accurate this is
like 98.6%

chase you down until you love me

(okay this is from long ago but I'm ready to bring this monstrous birth into the world's light
ignore it it is indulgently shameless I am so so so so so so so rry)

nowkissmeyoufool

he’s got golden skin and fingernails that are bitten

I love when he looks at his boy oh-so smitten

and when he clutches his tummy when he sings

louis tomlinson is my favorite thing

you know I wanted to write about how in love I am with louis tomlinson
(this is me giving you leave to say I am obsessed with him
yeah it is gripping me too & I'm trying to get my head around it tbh
louis tomlinson
bc it is ridiculous and it makes me sad
how much I want to kiss him
he's the prettiest, most beautiful, to exist

crinkles of his eyes.??????

oh??
my god???
not gonna even try with this one??
so fucking beautiful
he made my doll heart light up with joy
  
I can watch his hands
his lovely chiseled jaw
light sprinkle of stubble
feathery feathery pixie hair
god damn tattoos on golden skin
for years
holy shit
in my thoughts 25/7 tbh
you can give me the nicest, loveliest, most flawless HQ pics of like harry or zayn or liam or niall maybe
 
 
don't get me wrong I mean they're gorgeous we can all see that
but I'd look at any louis photo

(lo usi?? LOIUS!! !!!!!!)
and
shit shithith ihsoduidub it's sad bc
louis

pretty pretty louis will pop your bubblegum heart aha : ) x )


fuckin angel.

same hary saem

but then I read some zourry fic and got kinda scared
of jealous louis
(legitimately scared)
sometimes I forget louis is a sassy bitch (no no this isn't an insult it's the truth)
(almost scared enough to not want to kiss him anymore!!!)
bc










 
 
jealous louis
will fuck you up.
don't touch his boy ever ever ever.

but then I felt sad bc
imagine people touching your boyfriend all the time
and you can't tell them off
bc you're supposed to keep the relationship a secret
and so I decided that
if I ever met them
I'd ask for permission before going in to hug them.
harry. louis. whoever.
(common decency tbh)

meanwhile I'm gonna listen to paparazzi
bc apparently it's the soundtrack
to my louis crush/obsession.

  
same hary same.

not gonna reach my telephone

In all honestly there are so many important things I want to write about
and I should be perfectly able to do so
since the bulk of my promos are over
but I do not quite know how I am to word anything.
so I am going to try ya.

I think everything will just end up coming one after the other
this is going to be a huge throwing-up
I have drafts saved for weeks jfc.

blood, guts and angel cake

the haunting thing about
instead of being sixteen, i'm burning up a bible
feeling super! super! super! suicidal
is that
not only does
the first line suggest an absolute total loss of innocence (sweet sixteen) with the renunciation of religion
(you burn a bible, you are no longer sixteen)
if you listen to it playing
it sounds a bit like a subverted hymn, like some sort of mockery
and the second line sounds so terrifyingly nonchalant about death
and
once again, when you hear it
there is such a chilling excitement about it like
they look forward so, so much to dying
it is the way a teenage girl would sing along at a pop concert
(let me hide behind superficial things let me forget my troubles)
they are so wrecked they do not care about anything any longer
and all they are is sadsadsad
it is mindlessness cult-ure ish
(is it?)
the thing is,
two days ago
this is what kept me company.
ah, the delicious perplexities of adolescence.

the little loss of innocence

 
 
 

instead of being sixteen, i'm burning up a bible
feeling super! super! super! suicidal

see I will get over u

the worst is when you dream of him
and even then nothing happens.

out of reach, so out of reach but
still so beautiful.

like it's do or die

but do not look at me as if I were
out of my mind
do not smile laughingly and say things
as if you were
placating an obstinate child
(whom you wish to dismiss)
because it would be nice to be taken seriously about this.

don't call my name

maybe it is also something
feral and raw and gutturally human
especially when trapped in this period of life
because I am but a scampering teenager still
and I've yet to wade properly through whatever waters there exist
so I really ought to be more kind to myself.

meanwhile
I'll allow myself to indulgently taste this

which I'm gonna file under my
"inconspicuous not-for-the-cameras boyfriendy things they do" folder
I mean will you look at that
the elbow game
jfc this isn't primary school.
(but I'm sad because will you look at that
even now they still thirst for each other
even if only for that tiniest bit of touch
and they've gotten so good at keeping their poker faces on
it's sad)

a king with no crown

I feel sad
I feel sadsadsad
and I am losing myself to it.

I think maybe what I need is some -
where mundane details are blown into fantastical proportions
(hyperboles, metaphors)
and you still learn things
just not from school books.

maybe this is transient
maybe not
because I am supposed to already know how to care for myself
but

two tickets to iron maiden

I feel a bit ill actually.
and I don't quite know why.
it's been a bad day.
for a lot of people.
another unneeded late night
I am so disappointed
in myself.

if we walk down this road

(I am sorry once again

it is 3.30am and sleep is being particularly elusive hm.)

I wasn't prepared for this

how have I never seen this before
sis...

 

Now I want you to look at this

and tell me there is a difference.

(it's an actual couple jfc theres no difference frick me)

they thought there weren't any cameras these fucking idiots

I hate my life

i hate them

they ruin everything

i straight-out broke down no exaggeration fuck me fucj fkfbivubi

NO WAIT
I WASN'T READY TO SHARE THAT.
HOW DO I UNPUBLISH THINGS.
FRICK IM JUST GONNA LEAVE IT
GDI

it just kinda happened

#harry&louis cuddling and whispering sweet things with soft fond voices in the dead of night and #all they want is to hold each other impossibly closer #hands caressing skin and touch touch touch and warmth and love and scents and goodnight kisses and #don't ever let me go lou #and #that is how they fall asleep

run away at night

actually I wanted to write about how

I can't decide if I love
one direction fans who make fun of one direction because they're so endeared
or
one direction fans who see right through them and critique what needs to be critiqued wrt to their marketing strategy&pr stunts&behaviour&idek
more

twitter is a necessity because
it fulfills a purpose for me
that is to say
it catches my stray thoughts
that are isolated and far too great in number
to record them merely on this platform
suited more for cohesive and developed ideas

but that happened so idk man.

blood on my sleeve

an academic & spiritual pursuit
a name and a description
praise&thanks;
creator,master,nurturer,gifter
extreme, loving, liable to change
eternal
nouns for permanence
verbs for things temporary
the middle line as both conclusion and introduction
linguistically perfect
thematically balanced
(knowledge&action)
(good&bad)
all-encompassing

the struggles of humanity
(& the balance it strives for)
of body&soul
of men&women
of capital&labour
of the government and its people

fiction when we're not together

(I'm sorry you don't have to read this I just need it to be dumped /some/where

like publicly so that there will definitely be a chance of someone reading it

even if I might not want anyone to

bc sometimes you write things you don't want anyone to see but you want them to see

you get me

?)

sountracks to my life mmhmmm

like ed sheeran for my post o level holiday period

(also for my start-of-larry-shipping period)

and I had a study camp playlist so study camp feels

and my holy-crap-girl-crush????-fuck-my-life????-what-am-i-supposed-to-do-or-feel??? phase

and the xx! for my uk trip!

AND OH YEAH ASS BACK HOME FOR WHEN I WAS READING IANTHONY FICTION? IN SEC 3??

(it's funny BC the first not-het fanfics I read was for a ship I didn't/don't really ship

like in retrospect

I was reading ianthony for the writing?

and the first 1D fanfic I ever read was a het zayn one

something I will never, absolutely /never/ do in present times

reading about harry/louis/zayn/liam with a female character is now just so

odd??)

basically when I talk about soundtracks to my life

it's saying that

hearing different songs just

brings back different memories

sorry I know this has been boring af

but I warned you....

disturb the peace

wowzers you read stuff fast
I added things to that though
it's important because I tell you about the absolute wonders of
prospan cough syrup
kind of

midnight doesn't last forever

Ehhhh you might call today a disappointment.
I actually, /actually/ fell ill (like wow I don't fall ill easily) and couldn't do a thing besides chaise myself in front of the tv and watch things and take the im-sick naps.
Then everyone went out tonight and I am home by myself, mostly.
So I kinda watched The Devil Wears Prada because I can't do anything else that needs some brain work apparently.
Idk why I said "kinda" that was unnecessary.
And there is a storm outside with thunder and lightning and all.
Now I feel a little out of sorts.
Can you tell.

but I feel way better now
the cough syrup I'm taking tastes delicious
(it's prospan cough syrup please take it if you have a really bad cough
it has dried ivy leaf extract
it's non-drowsy sugar-free and alcohol-free
u don't know what you're missing out on)
all the pills taste like nothing too
or maybe it's just because I can't taste anything anyway
*shrugs*
goodnight

just a teenage dirtbag

I am miserable.
My throat hurts.
A lot.
And my nose is red and sore.
And it's been running and running and running...
And yet it is blocked.
And my head hurts.
And everything feels stifling-warm and frigid-cold all at once.

But there is so much I have to do.

you'll never hurt again

OR is this the process of accepting the possibility of being eternally alone??
???
ooOOOOohHHH no one knows.

lately

tell me what you think of me.

breaking out of my prison bus

"Everything affects everything. In this universe, when one thing changes, everything changes. Hence the great power of human beings to change the world, changing himself. "

this is it, the apocalypse

Tbh I've been admitting to tonsss & all types of crushes, really.

diana. hey, diana. diana.
what
I have a friend crush on you even though we're already friends.
ok.

and I write post-it notes to people
it's fun.