I don't wanna end up losing my soul

Ok look, I don't know who on earth is reading this blog, but really.

Ahhh I just don't know what to say!

Whatever you do, I'm not going to stop posting what I want here.

With or without interference with outside parties who may or may not understand the way I think.

This is one of the few places where you can really see me for who I am - not for the person you see in real life.

Because I have so many layers to myself, I mean, I'm pretty sure everyone does as well, and this is just one of the ways of my self-expression.

If you think I have a problem with myself, well heck yes I do.

I have so many problems with myself but doesn't everyone else too?

Then I have those phases and weird thoughts but they're my way of coping.

When I'm in a phase you don't have to f-ing worry because I'll get over it.

I'm trying to get over a recent one, and what's happening now is not helping.

OK?.

Heck it, I'm just gonna say this.

I don't "slash my wrists".

Ok?

How crude can that be?

NO.

Rumours.

Are scary.

My sanctuary - please don't ruin it for me.

When you approach me for thinking like this you make me feel as if I am more screwed-up than I already am.

As if I am a sick, twisted alien.

I can be one.

I might be one.

But I am still human, I have my rights.

And believe me, you haven't even seen half of me yet.

K?

No, don't.

Please don't draw attention to this.

So many other people have more problems than I do and of all things you tackle mine first.

NO.

That's wrong, and really sad.

I can get low, I can get low

Don't know which way is up

I can get high, I can get high

Like I could never come down.

My mood swings are normal and no one should ever worry about those because I almost always get over them.

I lied a lot today.

I had to, to pretty much defend my rights to my own thoughts.

I'm still not going to censor anything on this blog just because some people think it may be detrimental to my being.

I'm not gonna even privatize this (haha this may or may not be a stupid decision) because I still kinda want to use this as a means of expressing me.

It might hurt me, but it is still a human experience I can learn from.

My thoughts are stars I can't fathom into constellations.

Which is why I just have to present them as they are, queer or not.

You can judge, whatever you want or please.

Blah blah blah I don't give a care.

But you don't need to gossip..!

NO. NO. NO. NO.

Whoever you are, just stop releasing content from my blog like dandelion seeds.

YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME DIE OF FRUSTRATION.

I'm sick of trying to put this in words.

I'm rambling so much!

Just..stop.

On another note, Zi Wei, Farah, Nicolette, you're the only people I can talk about this to.

I thank God sooo much you're in my life.

(':

Lots of love and hugs xoxo

And I thought I was going to have a decent week.

"When you got something good why the devil gotta ruin it?"