Weell

Today is a special day. One, it's Aryan's birthday (don't know if he's aware of it -.-). Secondly, well, uh, it's the first anniversary of Yai's death. Mmm.. He was the closest grandparent I had I guess? And he just HAD to go first. Life's unfair. :( And well, it's because of cancer. Yeah. Well I remembered one distinct thing from that day. At the graveyard, it was so hot. And I didn't cry because 1) I was already having a super bad headache from not having a proper meal the whole day and it was late afternoon by that time, so if I cried, there was a possibility of fainting and 2) I cried a lot already anyway.

Hmm... I wanted to be super emo about this but then... That would make me seem...like that. You know? No? Never mind.

And I supposed before the death, I was already preparing for it. Like, sometimes in the bathroom while showering I would..break down. I knew he did not have much time left. So I wasn't that shaken/broken on the day itself. Sigh.

He taught be the colours of the rainbow, you know? I won't use that ROY.G.BIV. shit they use. I'll stick with Richard Of York Gained Britain In Vain. Never forgot that. Oh, and how he always jokes and plays with us. /:) And that thumb magic trick from when I was 4 or 5. And the Princess & The Key story. And you know, just him.

3 months. 3 months was what it took for cancer to claim him. In three months, I saw him waste away. Each Saturday, when we came to visit, he seemed weaker and weaker. The strong voice became a meer hoarse whisper. The big-sized body became all skin and bones. Bed-ridden. He couldn't even look up. Well, he could, but it took a lot of effort. Too much effort. But he did it, anyway, for the sake of us. I never knew the pain he felt. What does cancer feel like? Does it feel like the flu? A headache, a burning sensation? Or is it much more worse? I don't know. I don't ever want to. And yet..sometimes I do want to know how it feels like. Sometimes I wished I had cancer. So I could empathise with him.

He got cancer from smoking. But when I was born, he stopped. For me. For the first grandchild. And for the ones following. Just proved to show how much he loved us. And on Mother's Day 2009, we gathered there. Had a lovely heart-shaped chocolate cake. Mama told me to feed him the cake. She said, "He wouldn't eat if you weren't the one feeding him." See, he wanted us to be happy. So he ate. Even though chocolate cake isn't what he would eat.

63 is considered young, by the way.

Yep, getting emo. But he really was and still is the best grandpa in the world. Yeah, Yai. I love you and I miss you so much. And I will always always always remember you as the funnest most jovial Yai I ever had. I hope your grave will be spacious and bright. <3