With love,

Camp is over. I am camplagging. I simply do not know how to explain all this. Where to start, what to emphasize on, what to say.

Maybe I should start from..the start.

Actually, at first, I was a little nervous for camp, I guess. I mean, which cadet wouldn't be, right? And I was okay. Oh. Scrap that.

For the first 2 days of camp, I was still not in the POC mood. I did not think much about it, honestly. I did not even tear(okay maybe I did, a little, sometimes) when I think about it. I just look at the (ex)NCOs and look at them while thinking, "Oh, they're not leaving until way later in Time. They're not gonna leave us yet." In short, I was not preparing myself mentally for POC. (Unlike how I dealt with arwah Yai's death.)

And suddenly, the last day arrived. And with the bat of an eyelid, it was time for POC. (Somehow the one more 'confirm' real firedrill never came..) And then I look at them while thinking, "This is The End. They're leaving for good. They'll never come back. Remember all those great memories you had with them? Yeah, that's never happening again." And then I started crying like mad. Torrents, bucketfuls of tears. I couldn't sing right. I couldn't eat right. I couldn't see right. It was/is hard to see NCOs cry. You never see a senior cry. It feels horrid when that happens. I know I felt horrid.

I knew they were trying to be strong for all of us. They did not want us to cry too. They want us to be strong. I guess that was one of the last gifts they gave. Being in a way, a role model. Who doesn't cry. So we'll follow them. And not cry. And be strong. I didn't do that.

It hit me last minute. Of course I'll get crushed. I thought I wouldn't cry at all. I thought I'd be some kind of emotionless zombie wondering why the hell all my levelmates, juniors(some anyway), seniors, and NCOs were crying like the world was going to end.(In a way, it did.) I thought I'd be okay. But I was not. I sobbed as hard as when Yai died. I never do that. Never. Yet I broke down. For the NCOs. For the lessons. The memories. The times of joy. The times of hardships. The times of Faeqa Ma'am screaming 'DOWN!!!!!!!!'. Everything. Later that day, I decided I was not done crying and carried on in the car. (Papa got a little worried.)

After camp I was in a missing-camp mood. Everytime I close my eyes I see June Camp unfolding before me. I dreamt about June Camp. The first song I listened to this morning from my MP3? Just Dance. Of course I smiled when Chocolate started dancing to Gaga's Starstruck. But I will never ever ever ever ever forget anything.

Honestly, I was crying for not only the NCOs, but for the Sec 3s, now NCOs. How they will never be the same again. It just, hit me hard, you know.

But for now, I'll just say. Thank you. For every single thing you've done for us. For every single mistake you endured and corrected. For every smile we shared.

Thank you.