of pablo neruda

i want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.

and the tears stream down my face

no who didnt tell me that the 1d documentary was playin gon channel 5 swhy didnt u tell me yy now im dying i msised it its 5.30 pm and i saw only 5 mins of them being stupid whatds this srocey nO U DONT UNDSRESTDSNAD THE PSIN THIS STUPID BOSBADN KMS.

crying all night, drinking all summer

Damn 2012 and I'm still reeling over Take Care Drake you are brilliant.

Because Shot For Me opens with

i can see it in your eyes, you're angry

regret got shit on what you're feeling now

mad 'cause he aint like me

can't you see, that i made it 

yeah i made it

first i made you who you are

and then i made it

and you're wasted with your ladies

yeah i'm the reason why you're always getting faded

take a shot for me

and the next verse starts with

okay look, i'm honest

girl i can't lie, i miss you

you & the music were the only things that i commit to

i never cheated for the record back when i was with you

but you believed in everything but me girl, i don't get you

which leads to

take a shot for me

once again, but then you suddenly realise it's two very different shots we're talking about here.

take a shot for me: get drunk because I ruined your life and you left me and it's your fault that happened I'm not sorry

take a shot for me: give me a chance to love you again I'm worth it I promise take me back I beg you

It took me one year to get this.

The ambivalence in this one track, I mean.

One year.

This is why I don't ever tire of listening to Take Care.

lost in the thrill of it all

Tbh I am still biting my nails over ocean sequence.

Can it please, please be updated soon?

:(

What is this long-distance r'ship with this stupid fanfic I can't handle ldrs.

And I've only been doing one-shots and reading shitloads of them because I don't want to plunge into another chaptered fic just yet because ocean sequence fgs and I'm that close to starting a few Ziam/Larry chaptered ones.

(I'm talking less about 1D can you tell this is good right are u happy and proud)

Sometimes I need to remember with which friends I can say r u ok and are you okay do you find this a little sad or.

Because I forget sometimes that people still cringe when they read r u srs im laffing, and prefer oh my god really?.

Okay let me explain my text language.

My words aren't caps-ed or punctuated because 1) my phone doesn't do that automated so 2) i'm too lazy to do it myself and 3) no full stop because it's stoic like that.

Though tbh if I could I would just write like this bcos idc abt my text lang n stuff n its amusing but I can't because that probably makes me look ignorant (sad) and okay yeah it's inappropriate sometimes.

Buuuutttt if I write like that ever to you you would understand and not think I'm stupid???

;(

Also sometimes it just conveys meaning that much better.

And it's funny.

And it makes things less serious.

*srs

white lies and white lines

Aha but no I haven't had much time to watch tv it was just that once and I was watching a very fascinating documentary.
Been forced out the house against my will for the past two days so now I have only Sunday to do all my work.
Yet again.
Okay at least I have some time in between lessons everyday to do work.
But my "perfect timetable"'s not so perfect anymore because now trainings are on Monday and Wednesday and Mondays are terrible days because school ends at 5.30pm so I'd have to rush and then the day ends late and I reach home at 10pm and this isn't any good and.
Ugh.
Maybe I'm too distressed.

Also I'm not supposed to be doing any of this (my PI takes precedence yeah) but it's been days and I've a lot to dump and stuff.
Sigh.
Listening to Channel Orange though so that helps too.
Tbh I haven't accustomed myself to it that well so it's still a bit unfamiliar but it's good it helps me concentrate better.

THE XX IS COMING TO SINGAPORE AUGUST 2ND I WANT TO DIE GO.
People should not give me such incredible news while playing Angels by my ears while I'm attempting French work because I kinda died.
:(
Arinna has similar music taste as I do I'm confused because this is insane??
Like how what is this fated or???
Also the girl Dianna's birthday is 10 January like Arinna like Anis I am still confused??
What is this???
Idk????
Weird???????
But anyway people in my class sing HSM and Barbie songs you have been raised well I am in good hands.
Oh yeah I talked to Angel the Swifty about 1D a few days ago????
Whaaaat????????????????
(In Finn voice because that's how I always say my whaaaaaaat???s now)

Last Monday (and I'm still keening) "so when the D moves up the S...." happened during econs lesson and I can't with this class gay innuendo smdh so Mr Larry Lim said can u not (not really he didn't but it was the same thing) and the whole class laughed I am still keening sorry this was probably unnecessary but it is really.

Earpieces can you please work I just want to listen to Frank Ocean and do my work so can u not.
:(

whatever takes your mountain high

*sees AHS:Asylum announcement on FX again*
*falls off couch*

stop the tape and rewind

I am so tired I am past the point of feeling it, such that the only thing I am is in a false, deluded sort of heightened awareness.

I am not going to be thanking myself twelve hours later.

curiouser and curiouser

'Come, there's no use in crying like that!' said Alice to herself, rather sharply; 'I advise you to leave off this minute!' She generally gave herself good advice , (though she very seldom followed it), and sometimes she scolded herself so severely as to bring tears into her eyes; and once she remembered trying to box her own ears for having cheated herself in a game of croquet she was playing against herself, for this curious child was very fond of pretending to be two people. 'But it's no use now,' thought poor Alice, 'to pretend to be two people! Why, there's hardly enough of me left to make one respectable person!'

Oh my goodness.
Alice is me.
I am Alice.

And let me just put it out there that Lewis Carroll was possibly high writing the whole book; Alice in Wonderland is practically a 19th century crackfic.

Oh, but it is so lovely, though.
whimsical flights of fancy.

thank you for not being here

Okay this will probably be one of my last few posts involving 1D because after yesterday, I mean.
I just want to wean myself off of this?
Also I feel sad that my whole life practically revolves around the boys like what?.
It's just a tiny bit too detrimental.
(Buuuut don't take my word for this; this may or may not be just a phase.)
I say step one to dragging myself out of this sinkhole.
(And it may or may not fail.)
((Come to think of it..what is my "step one" even..?))

Though of course I'll still be a hard-core Larry shipper, also side-shipping Ziam and the occasional Zourry.
And you know what, you can't change that.
If I ship people I have my reasons for doing so and I will not jump ship just because someone tells me to.
Shipping is serious business, I mean, it practically tells the world what some of the things that you stand for, are.
And so it is undoubtedly true that once you insult someone's ship, shit will get personal.
Which is why I think that if you do not agree with someone's choice of ships, you do not go up to them and tell them upfront that their ship is bullshit.
Especially when you are in their personal space.
You come on here, you read my opinions, and you respect them, because I cannot deal with anyone having the privilege of coming into my bubble and then throwing serious shade on me or what I personally believe in and stuffing ships I don't want to ship down my throat (or any other ideologies for that matter).
And this is my personal policy in reading opinions and perspectives of the millions of people we have on this planet.
If I choose to read someone's diary and intrude onto their personal space (without them knowing and yes I've done this so many times before sorry do you have a diary i might have read it sorry again) I make sure that I am mentally prepared for things that might offend me, and then I keep myself open-minded and I won't hate on them for their opinions.
Because it is their right and it is their space and I have to respect that.
And if I choose to go through the Elounor tag, for example, I am not going to flip if I see Elounor shippers worshiping that ship or stating (civilly) how they think Larry's not real, because it is their space.
(Even though I still think some're kinda stupid.
Though not quite as stupid as Haylor shippers..
because how can you ship two people who don't even remotely look happy with each other.)
But I draw the line if they do that on the Larry tag or send anon hate or whatever else.

Oh god I think I digressed.

The point of the matter here is that I am not trying to sink anyone's ship - it is merely me stating my honest-to-god opinions.
I also take great care in not insulting the people themselves so I mean...?
If you hate the fact that I ship Ziam...why should you even bother?
My Ziall-shipper sister and my Ziam-shipping self get along just fine, even though we have tiny ship wars now and then, but nothing too major.
I asked her today if she's mad that I shipped Ziam (ya know, since Ziall's her OTP and her one true love and such and Zayn's with Niall not Liam etc etc) and she said no why should she be mad, because she doesn't control me.
I wanted to kiss her then because if my own sister can tolerate it (not even "tolerate" really; she simply doesn't give a shit what I ship) then why can you not?
And remember that from time to time, I still get intense Zouis feels, so the fact that I can still ship a pairing involving half of my soulmate otp aka Larry Stylinson...
Also I am very, very okay with people having Zouis/Zarry/Nouis/Narry/Lilo/Lirry as their otp as in they legitimately have faith in their otp being 100% real in real life.
You know, because why should I burst their bubble when they're in their own happy place?
As long as they don't hate on other ships, I'm perfectly fine.
And I actually find it cute too (aka that time when I found someone with Narry as their serious otp), so I don't get why you're mad..?
I am sorry if this makes you mad, but I was so, so upset, I really was.
And the fact that you seriously, seriously could not take me shipping Ziam kind of worries me a little.

So I am not going to stop my shipping Ziam, because I see something there, and you should not be terribly offended if you are completely assured of the realness of your own otp.
What I ship shouldn't affect what you ship, and it is the same the other way.

Now how about we both do a turn-around-and-walk-away move and carry on with our smutfic-reading/feels-filled lives.

not really sure how to feel about it

Oh god I am a terrible person today, aren't I.
on larry being both what makes & breaks me.
thinking thoughts.

where the fuck is your budget

Please don't read my blog.
Please don't because it's real angsty right now and it absolutely slices - that, or it comes out really, disgustingly childish which I suppose is what it is now but tbh I can't bring myself to give a fuck.
And the only reason this isn't locked is because why the fheck not.
So please don't read my blog.

bitches aint serious

Woke up to the release of AAoOD2 and omg.

It was good as always yeah okay but Larry shippers are flipping shit again.

And it's a different drama from yesterday?
This fandom is so.

:(
The stress of being a larry shipper.

you get so much hate.

I'm turning 17 fgs this isn't supposed to affect me but oh well i can't handle hate my ship my poor ship is at stake my muthafuckin ship people legit think omg what do i do i am utterly depressed this fandom sucks.

I think there's a fine line between being immature and choosing to be it.

Tbh I don't quite know where I'm at now.

But people complain about getting unfollowers for writing anti-Larry posts but okay how about you grow the fuck up yourselves for one mo.

How is unfollowing people immature.

Lbr here if they unfollow you it's probably because they're humane enough to themselves to do something about the fact that they see things they disagree with on their dash, and so by unfollowing your immatureass blog they are just doing a what i call turn-around-and-walk-away move which I'd say is miles more civil than lashing out at you and sending anon hate yeah?

So what if they unfollow you isn't that great you should be thankful that you are not going to be in contact with people who have hideously different ideologies from you weyhey won't that make your life more peaceful.

I don't trip when people unfollow me in fact I fucking appreciate it because they're doing a service to themselves and to me too and since when has tumblr been about gaining followers which is why i unfollow bitches who do promos because tbh we're not on the same frequencies here if you find it quintessential or highly imperative to have a million followers ok because I don't care if I have 0 followers and having several hundred is just a privilege or an honour not a necessity ok.

So you see I cannot take it when some of my favourite Larry blogs get hate for reblogging Ziam or other bands from bitches who think that "if you are a larry blog don't muthafuckin reblog other stuff and stick to mothafuckin larry" because who the fuck are you to tell them what to put in their blog or not.

So if you disagree, just unfollow them and then weyhey thank you very much for making everyone have nice days thenceforth unfilled with hate and shade.

Which is why I am going to unfollow the fashion blogs on my dash because 1) they don't make me feel good about tons of things 2) they reblog 1D fgfs and since I can't tell them to stop reblogging what they want to fuckin reblog because they have that right to freedom of speech etc, I am just going to click that unfollow button and I'd be damned if this isn't considered a mature, adult decision because you have no idea how much I had to talk myself out of throwing shade on them ok and I've done that before it was mean even though it felt good.

(Still does, actually.)

But this speech just.

I mean.

Can't go back on my mothafuckin words can I.

But the boys the poor boys on hipster blogs and shit my poor kittens.

You know what I'll just continue with my homework.

*still seething from Larry hate*

Listening to Come On A Cone helps tbh.

aint nobody fresher than my clique

Ugh there's supposedly some drama on the tag now.

hilarious.

:/

On one hand, usually I ignore it but on the other, you don't mess with Larry shippers.

You mess with one and you mess with the whole fandom.

Aren't I glad to be on tumblr though.

It's a community, and wow, that's something, yknow.

Just one site, and it's done so much good in my life I can cry.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for letting me be on tumblr.

Friends are friends for a reason.

You keep some, you let go of the rest.

There are those supremely laid-back ones, the ones with whom you have no inhibitions and it is always so free and easy.

And there are others you go to for emotional comfort.

Each friend has a purpose, and I keep those who help me grow, or with whom I feel comfortable, or those who make me happy.

You know.

Or else - in the name of contentment in life - a person may merely just become an acquaintance, and I am fine with that.

A dear friend at one point in life may not always be as dear several points later, because we're always changing, and, well.

Well this was sudden and disjointed and if it weren't so late, perhaps I would have been able to keep some decent eloquence or coherence but I guess not.

It just came to me and it was necessary.

No why was this necessary again.

My god just let me retreat into my lovely fanfiction world ok.

And leave you with one of the latest Larry gifs from the TMHT.

 

the thing is.

that fist bump.

would've been totally, completely platonic.

if it weren't for the fact that it happened after this

did.

nothing much just him checking his boyfriend out how great.

Told you tour Larry's always the best Larry.

ugh.

if the truth has been forbidden

"Fucking hell", I whisper over and over again as I scroll through the Larry tag.

and the tears stream down my face in louis-voice which makes me cry harder.

put it in all of the papers

Back home and hooray all I want to do now till late at night aka 3am++ is ship Larry and read fanfictions I just don't want to talk to anyone or do anything unless you ship larry then we'll talk.

Anis isn't home and I am so sad I want to talk to her and I miss her already.

This holiday is a sucky holiday and everything's sad.

This is the one day I get alone to myself and I need to use it well.

Yes by that I mean finish all my homework besides carrying out a satisfying amount of larry-shipping duties.

Okay, I should end this hideously whiny, languished thing here.

Have you ever wondered about Mulan technically also being about a dude who's questioning his sexuality like hello Shang you're lying if you say you weren't at least a tiny bit attracted to Ping.

Okay let's bring the gay on.

Oh god this blog is becoming so tumblr-esque I'm sorry guys.

But not sorry either bye.

take my hand and come with me

Ugh also sad thing being that we're going off without Anis.
I'm really gonna miss her especially when she's not gonna be home when we get back.
Ugh sad sister feels.

like you see through me

Also, I have to get the xx's album or I think I shall perish.

They're brilliant and wonderful and I am so in love with them.

I should probably go sleep now.

At least I've found several good fics - those two supremely long ones would suffice.

(Glad for my ability to tell which fics have quality from reading just the first line of the fic.)

Coupled with a few books of my own, I'm thinking the journey will be quite beautiful and grand and magnificent and whatever other lovely adjective there is.

Yeah this is most likely the last of entries for at least a couple a days.

like the sun set in your eyes

Oh god no not again Larry/Harry/Louis feels at midnight again so literal crying again.
I have to sleep early fgs I need to wake up early tomorrow.
But Louis just dyed his hair red oh god what Harry you lucky shit.

How can you not get Harry feels.

sry can u not.

i hate u louis "i got da smolder" tomlinson.

And the gif I presently cannot get over and so I caught myself staring at this for 5 full minutes.

Damn you Stylinsons, damn you and your stupid cuddly fondness and adoration and the stupid perfect way your bodies fit like stupid f-in puzzle pieces i hate u.

Sobbing.
So today's called OTP feels day for me I guess.
And Arinna too?
(Her OTP's some dudes from Running Man ahahahhsh.)
Ugh how lucky am I to have a shipper friend she knows my feels.
:'(

always be mine

Ugh I think I know why I'd felt so...aimless.

I had a most creepy dream in which Adani went missing and then I had no second sister any more and it was terrifying because it the dream all I felt was deep, deep loss and everything I saw was pretty things I would have gotten for her just to surprise her and in the dream they were all pointless because I had no sister to give sweet things to and oh god no.

It was terrible, and horrid, and I could not stop feeling paranoid until she came home.

(At which point I promptly hugged her tight before stealing several biscuits she had with her 'cause ya know.)

And when she did I think the emptiness dissipated as quick as lightning.

(Woohoo let us now use silly primary school phrases in describing things.)

Makes me wonder how I'm gonna survive years later when we grow older and have to deal with the passings of one another.

teenage kicks right through the night

My whole class save this one girl whose name is Angel hates Taylor Swift.
Do you know how much more I love my class now.
No you know just let me tell you what happened.

It was literature class, and we were doing poems, and for practice we did the song Red.
(ugh noooooooo.......)
I don't know how but it ended up becoming a slam-t-swift session which involved everyone, even the teacher who was vainly trying to get us back on course because every line we would  discover everything but similes or metaphors, and it was a mutual agreement that we were "probably giving her more credit" in doing all the analyses.
(That was an actual quote from the teacher I love her.)
"Mutual" as in everyone agreed but that one poor swifty.
At the end of everything one of the (two) guys in class looked her in the eye all serious and said, "It's okay, Angel. I listen to music and you listen to Taylor Swift."
And the whole class absolutely melted into oohs and ahhs of awe and reverence.
burn.

Also this is one conversation I had with the other dude:
"But ugh 1D is so gay."
"Yah they're gay lah."
"You agreee...." 8)
Several sentences later.
"Hey wait, when you say they're gay, it is not an insult, is it?"
"It's not an insult, it's a fact."

And in that moment I swear I wanted to hug the hell out of him.

Oh wait ugh I did not just quote that oh god none of that hipster shit for me please.

Though I would actually defend Niall if he gets called gay because he's not.
(Like how I would probably defend Louis' or Harry's not-straight sexuality.)
I would be pissed, really.
You can suspect the other four all you want, but Niall's straight bro, so too bad.
He's the frickin kitten in the group that's more kitten than Harry.
So Narry is essentially a fluffy kitten ship because kittens.
And everyone has to look after him.
Even though lately all I see from the TMHT gifs is Niall getting sexually assaulted by his bandmates so idk.
Oh wait.
Oh im confused now.
But he's straight ok? ok.

Ugh but really though all these girls in Singapore who think they're actually all straight omf I can't.
You are deluded, loves.
Absolutely deluded.
Get a tumblr ffs, then maybe you'll see sense.

because for some reason it always goes back to 1D.

and it's long gone

Problem being I can't find any good fics right now.
I've used up my store.
I have to find more for the trip ugh.
This sucks.

Also the best thing is when, on tumblr, non-fandom blogs start 'surreptitiously' reblogging fandom stuff meaning only the lovely versions of gifs and pics even though you know you just know they look at all types of their fandom things but they cant reblog all that even though they want to because thats not their blog type but they cant help it they cant help shwoing their love im looking at you one of my favourite vintage blogs whos started reblogging supernatural oh my lovely littel fangirlsre growing up and realsiing how great it is being part o f a fandom crying tears of joy embrace your fandomhood my loves.

Source: my own blog.

not much of a life you're living

Ugh best fanfic I've ever read I'm not even part of this fandom do I even know what this fandom is no actually I do its the supernatural fandom im not in it duh but ugh I can't with this fic omg this is the best thing I've ever seen in my entire life.

Cas Bakes Dean a Pie
by pleasedonttalktome @ fanfction.net

Dean was on the couch and he was wathcing a tv show about pie. It was about cookin apple pie, pumpkin pie, pudding pie, blueberry pie, cherry pie, key lime pie, pecan pie, chicken pot pie, lemon pie, boston creme pie,and banana cremme pie. "Ooh babyy" he licked his lips as they took the pie out of the oven. Then somebody pooped up behind him.

 "dnaE" they asked. he recognized the vioce. Iit was the gay angel man.

"Hello cas" he turned to him very quickly and turned the tv off. "you didnt see that. i wasnt watch anuthing. i Swear."

"Don'ut swear dena, it's not very ladylike."

"cas you are such a chuckleface."

"what"

"whats in ytour hands cas?"

"i made you a pie. Look Deanie i worked very hard. i even caught my tie on fire," he glanced down at the half burnt tie and then it turned brand new again because of hjis homosexual powers

"thats not pie," dean frowned loudly. The angle's eyebrows lifted sadlike

"yes it is i worked hard"

"no look at it." the anelg looked at the flat piece of dough in his hands. a single apple slice rested in the middle of it and it wasnt even cooked.
"how did you manage to catch it on fire did you even put it into the oven ya dumb snot?" deanie weenies eyebrows went together andf his princess eyes widened to the size of paltes and his lips puckered.

"whats an oven dean?"

"how did you catch on fire?"

"i dont know i just did i was cutting the apple and all of a sudden something was smoking"

"you stupid butt come here and let me checku for burns"

"i am okey dokey" the anal promised him. dean shook his had "no you shit stick come here" he hugged him exTREMEly tightly. "you smell like fire."

"i was in purgastory."

"baby boy" he slapped his back in a loving, painful, way

"ouch danie" cas frowned again. dean gasped darmatically

"DID I HJURT OUOU?"?" he shouted in his face. The anelg stared into his green rapunzel eyes. "I ALWAYS HURT EVERYONE I LOVE NOT YOU TOO CAS I DON'T NEED THAT." cas continued to stare and then his eyes turned blue.

"Are you going to eat the pie or not you little shit"

the end

If you did not think this was amazing you're wrong.

blinded by a masquerade

Full day today :)
Meaning my holidays started a day earlier than everyone else's.

Great life.

So I slept in for the first time in weeks.

There's kind of a lot to write about but not really.

I feel just bored, really.

I should get started with homework buuuuut...

You know one of the best weeks of my life was that first week of being a Larry shipper.

Fond memories, sheesh.

Every day I literally had to look at something Larry-related.

(Tbh that really hasn't changed come to think about it.)

The feels were worst then.

And the Reasons Why Larry Stylinson Is Real Masterpost omg.

That week, I probably found my life-filler.

Because I think a couple of days before that I felt aimless enough.

Ok.

But now it's happening again I feel a little let down.

But there is nothing else I can possibly want so idk.

And I don't even want to sleep.

But there is also nothing I want to do when awake so.

Deathfics yes of course deathfics are the answer because I have no emotion right now yes of course you moronic dumbass deathfics why the heck not.

is he in the kitchen

Today I have little gold anchors on my earlobes because I am a shipper aboard the SS Larry.

being as in love

Because being the eldest means saying yes when your little bro wants to sleep in your bed for the night, even though you have an essay to wrap up and that means working with the night-light on, lest he finds it harder to fall asleep.

(Though I don't quite mind it - I'd take the night-light any day....or night....ha....)

stay for the night

Bloody hell f.
I am so mad right now.
So Harry is now "spotted with yet ANOTHER girl"??
Congrats mgmt you've succeeded in adding onto the harry-is-an-insatiable-manwhore image.
And then the fruckin magazines laps it up like bloody hell why harry why is niall lets say never in the tabloids for being with tons of girls because he has been with a ton of girls way more than harry really why the double bloody standard.
And you know harrys a cupcake and hes never believed in objectifying women hes denied all this so many times why.
Building an image that doesnt even exist smdh.
No actually let me tell you why.
It's because their contract includes an image clause that they'll need to live up to, and don't you say there isn't any.
(If you think T. Swift isn't changing her image you're wrong - this girl's not going for the sweetheart reputation anymore.)
But now media's seeing Harry as some kind of slut this isn't even true because he's not even interested in girls atm??
Idk why this gets to me, but it does, and now this poor kitten's forced to be regarded as some sort of player.

Also this was interesting enough for the morning radio to discuss I mean you can just tell how much the media loves manwhore-styles I mean I can't smdh.

and then cry on top of the world

The Adventurous Adventures of One Direction 2 coming out.
The Most Popular Girls In School Season 2 starting soon.
AND
American Horror Story: Asylum premieres 4 March Fox.

Brb dying.

do you kno how obsessed i was with american horror story tho do you kno??!
i watched it every week wothout fail i missed 0 seconds of it if I missed .5 second i would be crying and depressed.
american horror story omg omggggg.

bloody hell.

moira fgs.

tate & violet i miss them so much.
i miss AHS so bloody much i just want asylum to come NOW.

what am i doing i got to go sleep goodnight.

show you off to all of ma friends

"Louehh your gayness is showing."

"Wha-? Oh okay, yeah." *grins/thumbs-up*

goes back to husband boyfriend platonic best friend.

"Mm-hmm..yes, ye- hey, hey! Hands off, mate!"

"Oh you've done it now, you've done it. He's not happy." *sass smirk*

"Naw he did not just do that." *checks on louis*

"Mine."

claims territory that is louis' thigh.

1.

2.

You can't not believe it now.

I mean..it's Ed frickin Sheeran what do you not want to believe.

Soooooo ship Larry with me????

#and and and #hes so gentlemanly about it # nah hes taken fgs smdh #ed youd be the death of me #hes talking truth too because #harrys not supposed to be taken atm #but ed knows the truth #cause theyre bffs 5eva and stuff and #so he respects harry and louis' relationship #yes ed and 1d are bffs #thats how moments and over again and little things existed duh #did i kill u again with this stupid format #hashtag larry ma niggs #ps #the song he wanted to dedicate was #kiss me

/wink/

playing games in the street

Something exciting happened last week, too.
It is trivial and stuff but I am insanely happy and glad and.
And I got 9/8 for a summary exercise and the gp teacher's gonna photocopy it and let the whole cohort read it.
oooooooooo.
Okay, okay.
Okay.
I shouldn't be smug and stuff but I am because this is big it's exciting and I feel like the little kid who collected the most gold stars idk but it's great.
Also because a year ago I thought I could never end up in a good jc much less victoria but look at me now (look at me now; i'm getting paper not) and woah.
I am not doing very well at being humble, no.
"But it's a big deal!!" says the giddy kid.
Impeccable English saved me.
/wink/

On another hand, the darker one (what.).
I. am not. gonna do well for that first econs test.

read the stars

I am a sucker for things gold.

And not the real kinds, oh no.

All the gold I like is burnished, or antiquated, or bronzed, or rose.

The past week I think I've fallen quite in love with two - two! - purses it is quite sad.

But you must understand if something has a detail that is remotely one of those kinds of gold I will be undoubtedly take to it.

breathe, turn around, walk away.

Ok but I can't and what's worse is that one of them is $56 and the other is $87 I got no green or rubber band stacks ok.

Goooollllllllddddddddddddd like the undead would moan for braaaaaiiiiinnnnsss.

"Get me gold stuff and I'll be happy" says the materialistic girl.

the reason i hold on

In my class three people have names my cousins do.

There's Arinna - Arinah, Diana - Daiyana, Sherrine - Shireen it's creepy honestly.

And Arinna's my little bullshit friend.

And she used to be a Larry shipper but still thinks it is real because duh.

And then she rec-ed me a Larry fic.

(Never thought anything like that would ever happen in my entire life - real life people rec-ing fics for me wow smh in a good way.)

And then her birthday is 10 Jan like Anis and her 2nd sister's birthday is 30 August.

I'm creeped out.

But she's my little bullshit friend and I adore her all the same.

Yknow, I'm actuall really glad I got into VJ.

If I didn't, I would've never met her or any of the others.

What, you actually think Larry shippers exist in other JCs?

I don't think so, yeah.

VJ's amazing ok.

GUYS SHE ACTUALLY REC-ED ME A FIC I CAN CRY TEARS OF JOY AND WE CAN CRY OVER OUR OTPS TOGETHER EVEN THOUGH SHE'S IN DENIAL WITH HER OWN OTP BUT ALSO WE WERE DOING MATH AND SHE TRIED TO KILL ME BY GOING ONTO THE LARRY TAG ON INSTAGRAM ON HER PHONE WHICH LED ME TO GET TO KNOW THE EXISTENCE OF THIS BLOODY PHOTO

basically tries not to cry & fails.

People pls understnad that larry is both what keeps me goign and what kills me tbh its a precarious balance.

:'(

give you all my heart

I just thought this would be helpful in deciphering why, when you infuse certain words into your sentences, I may unnecessarily perk up.

A Friendly Guide to Words That Any Shipper Can Never Read Like Normal People Do
1. Ship
What it is: A romantic pairing (relationship) between two characters/people that may or may not be real; used in fanfictions (yay fanfics).
What it is not: 


2. (Head)cannon 
What it is: A storyline in fics that ACTUALLY happened.
What it is not:



What makes a ship sink?
When other ships have a cannon.

3. Beard
What it is: A man or a woman used as a cover for a gay person.
What it is not:


4. Coming out (I thought people might know what this essentially means, but I guess not)
What it is: The act of someone publicly declaring his not-straight orientation.
What it is not:


5. Angst
What it is: One of three pillars for fanfics; hideous concoction of depression made up of words.
What it is not: It actually is what it means tho.

6. Fluff
What it is: Second pillar; fics that make you want to sob and die, but in a good way because everything is overflowing with sweetness and happiness and love.
What it is not:


7. Smut
What it is: Third pillar; when stuff happens in fics.
What it is not: 


8. Come (verb/noun)
What it is: Can I not say. Also if you say this word I will get the giggles like the immature schoolgirl I am.
What it is not:



9. Top
What it is: gives.
What it is not:


10. Bottom
What it is: receives.
What it is not:


Yes, many tumblr arguments between Larry shippers revolve around this top/bottom matter.
Huh.

These are basic ones.
I'm just..saying.
Been gnawing at me for about a million years.

if you dare, come a little closer

I didn't want to start with writing Larry-related ones but well.

I've been having so, so many Larry feels this weekend it is both sad and sad.

Tonight (last night, if you feel like) Justin Bieber was one of the news headlines for having a kind-of meltdown.

Dude, if that kid can get featured in local news for screaming "I'm gonna fcking beat the fck out of you" then imagine having two members of the world's biggest boyband come out.

and in a bizarre turn of events, are dating each other. the pair had declared their love via twitter yesterday, incidentally also Tomlinson's birthday, instigating a mass online hysteria ever since. but much of their fanbase is supportive of their relationship, with many saying they have, for the longest time, seen it coming.

Ah shucks I should not have done that.

Because this walks me to intense wedding feels and oh no.

Those are honestly lethal honestly just oh god no.

"is larry married??" Alyssa I'm looking at you you cruel, heartless thing it still haunts and wrecks me to this day you are not forgiven.

dammit stop crying.
ugh.
But all feels aside (tough), it's come to the point where I don't ship Larry anymore - I more support it because they are in a real relationship (we all know it is) albeit hidden and it's become sort of a representation of what I stand for.
And I stand for this; for pure, unadulterated love between two people.
I'm not supposed to, I guess, but why the hell not and so what if these two stupid lovebirds happen to be both boys.
And since when has something so abstract as love been mainly driven by merely anatomy?
It is so sad that they have to hide - I feel so sad.
Siiigh.
Damn, I can't wait for them to come out.
It will be the day I rejoice.
Also, if they ever happen to come out on my wedding day, I have the tiniest feeling I would be be happier for them than for myself..ha.

round and around and around and around we go

Don't know if you've noticed, but Saturday night's when I practically vomit out blog posts after blog posts so ranging from Larry ones to school ones to idk.
So uh, have fun?

on birthdays being deathdays, too

I do not know her, and yet I do, so the news hits a little close to home.

No, it actually hits really close to home, because.

I don't know, it just elicits a million questions and imagines.

How was she feeling when it happened?

On which round of the track was she?
(The 10th, 11th? The last one, maybe? Perhaps she was that close?)

Was she thinking about the pizza and ice-cream she would have later that night, or the birthday cake?

Was she thinking, I hate running and I want to go home, like I do whenever I run?

Or, it's my birthday, I can't actually be doing this right now, can I?

Did she wake up on that morning giddy with both excitement and dread?

Did she know?

She got 257 for her PSLE; she must be in SY, or CO at least.

It happened 08 35; SY/CO has PE first period Wednesdays.

Is the PE department presently plagued with guilt?
Do you think the senior red crossers were alerted and called down to help?
The PE lesson, was it stopped?

Did it hurt?
Did she know?

Did she manage a tiny prayer before her soul was pulled out of her body?
I hope it was done gently.

I hope she wasn't scared.

I hope she is well in the grave.

I hope she's been a soul good enough for the angels in there to not punish her.

I will keep you in my prayers, Nur Aisyah Ismail, insya Allah.

Don't be scared in there, answer the questions with heart.

Remember Allah swt.

You are 13, He must have loved you so much that he claimed you once more thirteen years after your mother gave you birth.

I pray that her family is well and coping with the loss with strength.

I am just so, so sad, but this reminds me time and time again that no one knows when you will go.

I may well die this evening, on the way to French class, and would I be prepared for that?
For my time in the grave?
Because I know right now, I am not.

Maybe this is Allah's way of reminding me to always be a good Muslim, and to never forget that whatever happens, I will always return to Him.

How is she; how is she?

checkin my blinds

Larry analyses in French.
Hahaha.

Weekend come to meee.

like tonight's sky

I've also got the loveliest solat place (hahahah cute name) in the school.
It is secluded, and wide and sheltered, and if you look to your left whilst facing the kiblat, the beach is right there so the sea breeze is always so cooling.
(I love that VJ is so near the sea.)
It is there if you go behind the school hall and climb the stairs, so the hall washrooms are really nearby.
It is so perfect, I promise you.
A place so intimate and set-aside and you know that whoever you meet there, on the second level behind the school hall, is a fellow sister or brother, so it is never uncomfortable.
It is such a lovely place if you need a getaway.

(Also thanks to my perfect time-table, I have time on Tuesdays and Thursdays to skip over to Masjid An-Nahdhah next door to the moelc to solat Zuhur and Asar before, and Maghrib after lessons.
Hurray for me not missing solat times anymore!!)

People are great.
Sometimes I wonder why I have any reason to feel unloved because this is so untrue.
I have love coming from everywhere.
My classmates are brilliant people, and the ones I hang around are hilarious.
And they don't shy away from friendly, albeit crude banter.
It is like speaking to Anis, somewhat, and if I can speak to you like I do with my sister, then you are a keeper.

By that I mean we speak like this ok.
(Yayyy for larry whatsapp backgrounds.)

And then I have love coming from halfway across the world, because Janelle is an angel.
We've cried for each other, and traded golden words and she is really just the sweetest, loveliest friend.

And there is love from those I've had the fortune of making friends with during the most unsuspecting moments.
Munirah from when I was in the masjid and she was too because we both wanted to escape the firedrill moelc was having that day.
She remembers - she actually remembers - what ccas I was trial-ing for and what subjects I take from that short 15-minute conversation we had while waiting for the azan for Asar, and she's just sent me a message bearing her well wishes.
Also our mutual friends are Haiqal and Daiyana......it is a small, small world.
Sometimes at the masjid I also run into Syahirah, who was our chalet neighbour during the family getaway last cny holiday.
She's so bubbly and I can never not smile talking to her.

Speaking of Daiyana, I may just be lucky enough to see her every Wednesday and Friday at my school because Katong Convent track&field come to VJ every week for training.
This is amazingly convenient because ahhhh cousin :)

How blessed am I, really.

And when I feel insanely sad or morose, all I may do is send a quick message to friends I've kept for longer and remind them that they are loved, and I suppose that is well enough to lift my spirits.

This is so cliché I cannot take it but it is so relevant and true.
So now I am armed against those fortnight hormones I guess.
I think.