so I don't have to say you were the one that got away

People should see my tumblr more often.

>:

I told her sorry for the wait.

Suddenly a million songs by Drake and Lil Wayne exploding awesome around me.

I want their albums now. :s

that's Y U MAD.

On my Tumblr, which I do so love, there are the 4 things I post that keep me alive:

1. Nicki Minaj

2. Smosh

3. Occassional thinspo

4. Really inspirational quotes and shots

Hi, how are you?

Yes it's nice to meet me.

:>

saved the princess from demise

When the room is done, it will be the most whimsical pretty thing ever.

A simple bed heaped with cool, down pillows I've always wanted. On the duvet lie a few freshly-plucked flowers- petals sprouting from long stalks. The bed is so soft when you sit even only on its edge, you never want to get up again.

By the cupboard there will stand a dressing table much too majestic for me. It is painted golden with four legs that curl intricately outwards to help it stand. It is so Victorian, and radiates such exquisite antiquity. With it is a mirror framed with ornate metallic gold designs. Verily, everything about this table is either golden or lily white.

And on the opposite wall hangs another mirror of a dark olive-bronze frame. But this one is a full-body length, with a slightly dated glow about it. Everything on the other side of the glass is an enchanted world, and that aura seems to spill out into real life.

Every night, too, there will be lit scented candles with their sweet, sweet aromas and the soft, warm shadowed flicker of a flame dancing against the wall.

And such is the room I would adore to call mine.

you're fuckin up my decors

What. The. Frick.

What the frickin frick!

If you screw up my room and bed I'm gonna be frickin pissed.

**** you 1D.

you the best, you deserve a crown, *****

And I only have my mother to thank for showing me this amazing kind of music.

man, f*** y'all n*****

Hmmmm well I can't explain it.

There's just something about hiphop and r&b that gets to my core like no other genre of music do.

Some people may call these rappers "cocky" or "arrogant", (and oh, how irritating they are!) but they make me so strong.

Especially since so many of them come from the hood so the story of their rise to fame always comes around to be inspiration for everyone else.

I admire all rappers (even if some of them are annoying to hell and back).

Ew I made this sound like a sob story and so 'action' (if you get that slang).

I am the female Weezy, this shit is easy.
Whatchu know about it?

That's Y U Mad?

dime divas, give it to me

I feel like doing something drastic to myself.

:s

Not drastic as in fatal drastic, but completely changing drastic.

Appreciate your friends and their efforts.

And my life is in tumblr.

I feel as if the real me is in tumblr.

Haha thanks for making me create an account.

don't bother me

What's becoming of me, eh?

Oh well so every night I dream of Smosh, or at least I know they are there subconsciously.

My subconscious mind thinks of them, even when I am asleep.

Holy.

Ok so I am really obsessed with them, k?

I don't want to be who I was before, next year.

Ok, Roman.

You're my idol.

xoxo

baby thank you for the second chances

Holy crap it felt good to cry over fanfic.
Not to sound cheesy but it feels like I'm alive..and it's great.

Alright back to the monotony of the holidays.
.
.
.
.
I LOVE SMOSH!

what I'd do to have you near

Today I dedicated wholly to watching Smosh videos and Ian Is Bored because well I won't get to do that anymore in a bit.

And then I started reading fanfics for Smosh. ):

I've never read fanfics before because you know,
what't the point?!

Then I read one Zayn Malik fanfic and it was so addictive so I thought well hey, how about Smosh fanfics?????

Then I read a few amusing ones that made Ian and Anthony gay.
Hahahaha.
Well anyway.
Then I start to come across those that tell of their friendship so beautifully.
And then another one where Ian died.
(Well how blunt and unexciting.)
I cried so badly.
Because it was so, so sad.
And touching.
I still can't believe I cried reading a fanfic.
Literally there's a tissue box by my side.

I wonder if I should speak of the plot..?

No, but I remedied it by watching their videos again to remind myself that no, neither Ian nor Anthony is dead.

Thankd God for that.

y'all want the full roman?

Everyone should listen to this.
This is amazing.
So catchy, I love it.

now it's which world tour should I go on and take?

Ok I don't know how to start this post.
Maybe because I haven't blogged in a looooong while...........

But I shall say

I GOT PINK FRIDAY.
(;
(;
-smug smiles everywhere-

Finally. Finally finally.
Except a million songs aren't in this edition.
):

But it's ok, because this album I have will be the first of many.
(:

I just came back from another trip to Malaysia with Shireen.
It was amusing as always to see Adani and her be BCFs.
Which means best cousins forever.
It was 5 fun days but I'm glad to be back in Singapore.
I wonder why I missed home so much, not like I am unused to being in M'sia for 5 days or whatever.

I had weird dreams in Malaysia.
Really, really weird.

Ok before I blankout while blogging, I'll just list down every random thing in my mind.

Smosh is awesome.

Pink Friday is awesome.

I don't want Sec 4 to come.
Right, I want school to start, but I don't want to be pressurised.
If sec 3 was like THAT, then...

Oh well.

Shoot it's going to be a lonely rest-of-the-holiday.

Jan is going to Hokkaido and Nicolette is touring Europe.
how now brown cow.

Oh well!
I should smile more often!
:)

without you

All I need now is actually to have to be very egoistic and self-centered and talk of myself to someone because I can imagine that it will feel quite amazing to reveal all the sick problems that I have in myself to someone who is good enough in my vain little opinion to listen to me and someone who will pay a fair bit of attention and fuss over everything I say.

Yes yes, that would be quite pleasing indeed.

nothing really matters but the beat!

I am absolutely loving my David Guetta CD I got from India for less than S$10!

And it's both the vocal and electronic CDs in one pack.

<3 <3

It is da bomb.

David Guetta is a freaking genius with muscic.

I spent so much in India, I swear!

I spent US$150, and S$20.

A lot was for my family.

Hehehe.

India was amazing.

I love MGD.

The students there are so friendly, it doesn't do them justice the way we receive them when they come to SC.

I cannot wait to see them again when they come to Singapore.

(: (: (: (: (: (:

I don't know what to say about India, really, because I feel like I've written so much about it in my trip journal I can't say anything more about it!

But it was really amazing.

Too bad if you didn't go!

It was such a priceless experience!!

Gahh I wish I didn't have to go to school.

I do it 'cause I get it

Today I am stocking up on Nicki Minaj songs for my phone for the India trip.

But I can never find versions that are decent.

And by decent I mean uncensored and unaltered.

And when I DO find decent ones, the download links don't work.

This sucks.

):

you've got my life in the palm of your hands

It tasted like a fall.

Do you know how a fall tastes like?

Ok, well, hm.

First it's a slight rush of sugar and salt to the back of your mouth, and nose too.

Then you feel like your head had been knocked or something like that.

Oh this isn't making any sense, but really!

I can taste falls.

Ok so.

I can't believe I miss you.

Omg so stupid, I thought I didn't.

I thought I would never.

But I actually did.

):

I don't know why I did.

I mean, it was odd!

So yeah, wonderful!

You made me realise!

-.-

But nahhh.

Not really.

You told me I would lose but I won

My heart swelled when I watched this video.

(':

I don't know why, but it makes me so happy to watch it.

And I've been very down lately.

But anyway, Nicki Minaj is really wonderful.

I love her outfit, it was perfect.

She was smiling and she looked so happy.

I'm so glad she credited Ester Dean for Super Bass.

And Taylor Swift.

And Lil Wayne.

And everyone else.

She is so humble.

(:

(:

(:

She makes me happy.

❤ ❤ ❤

you used to be here now you're gone, nair.

I can see through you.

Heck I can see through almost everybody actually.

You just don't know, right?

I hide it because I'm just too damn nice.

You just want the attention.

Don't you?

I feel pressurized.

I just read that the damn school is going to extend curriculum hours yet again.

Bullshit.

Bullfuckingshit.

I'm sorry you had to read that.

But swearing does make you feel better, according to a certain study.

(How vague.)

But I only swear inwardly.

Because I don't speak it.

I miss my friends.

I haven't seen them for soo long..

And I need more followers for tumblr.

I know Ilee has a wonderful tumblr.

(:

won't let you get away

Oh God NOOOO I'm completely hooked onto Tumblr!!!!
):

Aiyahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

On another note, I have sort of perfected it and am ready to show it to the world!
(:

like shooting stars

Omg I am kinda addicted to tumblr now.

):

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe I am on a highhhhh.

say it like it is

I actually haven't said everything I would have liked to the Day 13/14 person.

):

But oh well.

I'll just bury the hatchet.

(:

Today I went to Book Fest at Suntec and I got so many books.

Omg I can just die from the excitement~

Ok I got only 3 books but that's a lot to me!

Plus the ones my sister got!

Heheheheheh this would make for an interesting holiday.

BUT I have to finish my homework first, no?

Meh, the books will be my reward.

But I'll read one of them on the flight to India.

Yay, so excited.

(:

Nicolette, you reading this?

I have a tumblr now.

I won't release it yet because it's still getting upgraded.

But I think it's really pretty, so far.

Hahaha.

Alright, goodbye for now!

you're the one I lean on

Ahhhh what a day.

I wanted to write some stuff but I feel so..

You know that feeling when everything is in your mind but you just don't feel like expressing it even when you want to?

Mm-hmmmm..

(:

when you're close, I don't breathe

Day 13/14: Someone who had drifted away from you but you wish could forgive you

You know lately, I've been thinking.

About why.. we aren't really..friends..anymore.

I feel so bad, really.

I am truly very sorry.

Because I swear it's me, not you.

And I have this terribly stupid secret that is actually the key to the mess.

But if you ever find out, that will so suck because I will look so stupid.

-.-

So I can't say why I'm not friends with you anymore..?

I'm really just trying to run away from my horrid past.

'Cause I'm so embarrassed with myself too.

If you please?

I'm sorry, I'm a horrible bitch.

I mean, now you know, yeah.

I've always said that but you never admitted it.

-.-

Alright.

That's it..?

Ok, goodbye.

these days go on, long after you've gone

Oh my God.

This song.

I used to love it when I was like, 5.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

I still love it.

Oh my God.

My childhood memories are flooding back.

(':

These days, the world's all right, the sun shines bright,

I'm kicking out the bad dreams.

These days, I don't think twice, I walk on ice,

And I'm positively somewhere.

These days go on, long after you've gone.

you make me laugh, you make me hoarse

I had the most wonderful outing to USS with my dearest friends.

It was all so amazing.

I felt so blessed, really, no lie, to be there at that time and place.

(:

What else was amazing.

Hm, no queues at all!

I'm still amazed by that.

What a miracle.

So I took all the thrill rides multiple times.

It was so bloody awesome.

And you know what, it felt like heaven was smiling down on us, because it didn't rain!

Ok it did, a small passing shower.

And a drizzle.

But it was sunny.

And you know, rain on a sunlit day brings good luck!

(:

But one bad thing was that everything was overpriced.

):

But of course, right?

It's not a theme park for no reason..

But it was an enjoyable day nonetheless.

Very very destressing.

We took pictures with so many characters.

My favourite was the Betty Boop girl because she was SO funnily bimbotic.

"Ok girls, now follow what I do. Put your arms on your hips like this, then pop one foot out! ... That was beautiful!"

Hahahaha she said this in such a high childlike voice I felt like laughing with mirth.

She was adorable.

The rides were awesome lah, seriously.

Too bad I had to blow my nose after almost every ride.

Sucks to have a cold on that day.

But I still had a roll of toilet paper to last me the whole day.

(Caring friends stole it from Vivo for me.)

Lovely people GMH.

I know this isn't too long but I really can't further express my gratefulness for such wonderful people in my life.

I really, really felt blessed.

I couldn't believe whatever I was experiencing, but I smiled throughout the whole beautiful day.

And it was the day I started to worry less about my long-lost Cleo.

should've sent a thank you note

Someone needs to cheer me up asap.

):

I cannot talk because it hurts to do that.

And I've been blowing my nose since morning.

I think I used up half the tissue box today.

No actually, it's empty now.

Urghhhh.

Am I falling sick??

That sucks.

so I pull my hoodie down just to hide my face

I feel like a failure in every way.

Why is this happening to me?????

A few moments ago I just really wanted to write and hate on something so trivial.

Then I realised, what's my problem?

Do you know?

Do you know what my problem is?

'Cause I sure don't.

I don't know how I'm gonna be a psychologist like this.

AKIUGNJHNBVAKVF SKIFGVBGSJEUFAHELOIHFAEFYGBFS VUILEUVGFKKVUB GFDJSUDC.

Today I watched a documentary.

It was a very nice one.

look what you made me do

Tonight I was listening to the playlist of whatever songs I have on my phone, and then Impossible came up.

You know that amazing feeling when you suddenly what you're hearing loud and clear seems to just rush and flow through your whole body.

And you can do nothing but listen.

So that's what I did.

I couldn't continue reading because the music was just too I-finally-found-you.

So I stopped and closed my eyes and listened.

I do that when that feeling sweeps over me.

It's like wanting to just curl up into a ball and let the music come and take you away and heal whatever bruises you have.

It felt brilliant.

My bookmark for this amazing book I was reading is a green note from last year.

Well actually, it's a bookmark for every book I read, but that's besides the point.

It is a green little card with a quote in it.

It had been anonymous, and I suppose I will never find out who left it on my desk.

I keep it with me all the time because I guess it does remind me that someone cares.

And it tells me to hold on.

So I do.. try to.

This isn't making any sense, is it?

I am so sleepy now and my whole body aches with exhaustion but I only know that I have to keep on reading.

I cannot sleep, really.

And I feel as if shadows are stalking around the hallway now.

That's kinda creepy.

it's whatever you say, eh

My titles are all lines from Nicki Minaj's songs.

Just cause, you know?

Actually, I hate it when people like her as much as I do.

I know it sounds crazy and stupid, but really.

No kidding, I hate it.

It's because I had always felt possessive of something I love.

If I have something, you can never have it.

You know how it works.

I'm a selfish person.

It makes me feel good to know that I have something other people won't ever have.

It makes me feel better about myself.

In this case, such an obsession with Nicki Minaj.

You can listen to and like her songs, but I will hate it if you adored her with equal fervor.

I'd like to think of myself as The One Who Knows Nicki Minaj Best.

So.. yeah.

Only now you know, right?

Ooh how shocking.

What else.

I hate gaining weight.

I eat, but I don't like gaining.

I guess this sounds like I have some eating disorder or something.

But I don't.

However, I won't deny that I do not un-support it.

I've always respected anyone with an ED.

No reason.

Just 'cause.

And I don't have one because I still eat like normal girls do.

I just curb myself enough to not gain weight.

I know I'm probably kind of skinny already.

But I just don't want to go into the 'acceptable' range.

I don't.

I'd rather stick with being underweight.

I won't mind going further.

In my darkest times, I had wished I were anorexic.

And lately, that I were bulimic.

But no, that hasn't happened yet.

Because I just can't keep away from all that food.

Yes yes, what a disgrace.

Whatever, because I don't want to faint for nothing anymore.

But yes, those had been my wishes sometime before.

That's what I call wannarexic.

I wonder if you wonder why I am like this.

Well I've got to admit it's just to make up for my earlier overweight years.

I used to be so fucking fat in primary school.

I was in that, what dyou call it, TAF club thing.

I agree, eww.

How I used to eat makes me shudder.

So I decided to shed all the weight off.

I have been somehow influenced by thinspo, I can't deny that either actually.

So I hope you will understand me here.

If I say that I don't want to eat, please get it.

I just don't want to be fat again.

40 & below sounds perfectly fine to me.

And is the first time ever that I had been reflected as 'underweight' in my record book.

So I am proud of myself.

I am loving it.

Double digit in lbs, whoopee.

I had never thought of myself as pretty, actually.

Maybe because I am not.

Sometimes I wonder why it is that some people think I am.

I am not being self-centered by saying this so openly, I'm just honestly asking.

So, how come it's like that.

I think I'm becoming bitchier everyday.

I had never been like this before.

I wonder what had influenced me for this one.

I really do.

I think I am actually an attention whore too.

Maybe because I am one.

It's stupid but yeah.

I like attention when I'm feeling bold.

Otherwise, I'd just prefer melting somewhere.

Sometimes, I feel like hiding under the table.

But that would look stupid if I really did do it, so I don't.

You know, I actually really love people playing with my hair.

I almost always get goosebumps.

There's just an eerie delight about it.

It's like a cat getting her chin scratched, or her head stroked.

Same thing.

I wish I had an elder sister.

Is that why I feel like I'm being more and more frivolously childish too?

I don't quite know.

Whatever it is, I will never have one.

Period.

She said don't you ever show this

This article just gave me hope.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I feel so much more at peace now.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Man last time I checked I was bubblin out

(1) Ground Yourself

It might seem that the hardest thing to do when you've just lost something is to relax... but it's also the most important. Your anxiety can and does create conflict in the physical world. By calming your mind and your heart, you will allow for harmony to manifest in the outside world. We ground our electrical appliances to prevent them from sparking and starting fires... and we need to do the same thing for our energetic bodies. You can ground yourself by visualizing a long cord running down from you, down below your feet, far into the core of the Earth. Imagine that all the worries and troubles that beleague you are falling down, down, down that cord, never to return.


(2) Hope for a Reality Shift

When my young daughter used to lose things, she would say, "Hope for reality shift! Hope for reality shift!" over and over again as she walked around the house. Her intention of allowing for her lost item to return (even to a place we'd already looked) helped make such a reunion possible. I now make sure that I say my intention out loud any time I've lost something that I dearly love and wish to find again. I know that it is possible for lost things to reappear in places I have thoroughly searched -- and even sometimes in very strange or unusual places. This intention is extremely important, because it gives the universe permission to return your lost item to you when you allow for a miraculous shift in reality to occur.


(3) Meditate

An easy meditation for finding lost things is based on breathing. As you exhale, imagine that you are breathing out all your worries and fears. As you inhale, imagine that you are breathing in love. You are letting go of any sense of panic or loss, and feeling more and more loving and loved. If you have another favorite meditation, this is a very good time to do it. The main idea now is to remain grounded as you relax further, while opening your mind and heart fully into experiencing whatever this moment brings.


(4) Feel Your Love for What is Lost

While all the previous steps are very important, feeling your love for what you have lost is undoubtedly the most important. While you continue staying grounded and breathing in love, remember all your favorite memories about what you've just lost. Allow yourself the luxury of feeling as much of that love as possible. Feel your heart growing warmer and warmer with those feelings of love. This love you are feeling is the bond between you and what has been lost, and by feeling your love as strongly as you can, you are calling what you love to return to you.


(5) Let Go

You've now done all you can do. It's time to trust that the universe will consider your request for a reunion with what you've lost. It's time to let go of any worries, fears, doubts, or concerns that might still be lingering. Just trust that everything is exactly right somehow, and continue with your everyday activities as usual. If you find your mind obsessing about what you've lost, go back to the first step and go through all these steps again. You'll find that the more you practice grounding and meditating, the easier these things become, and the easier it will be for you to stop worrying.


(6) Appreciate the Surprise Reunion

One moment, when you least expect it, you'll find what you lost. It may appear in a place you know you thoroughly checked... it may appear in a completely ridiculous place (like the time my daughter's favorite shoes once appeared on the pillow of her bed). Savor this moment, and fully absorb the improbability of your reunion and your delight and joy at finding what you lost. The appreciation and gratitude you feel will help bring more lost things home to you.

I drove for miles just to find you and find myself

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.
It's not your fault.

I'm a bitch, I'm a monster.

I could really use a wish right now.

I am being hypocritical here, too, because I realise I can't smile because I have no reason to.

I don't like to force myself to do something I don't feel like doing.

So I'm going to pause my letters.

Drifting away, I'm one with the sunset

I am so upset.

This had been a crappy week.

I miss my songs.

Stop going on about how "they're just songs".

I f-ing get it.

But I don't think you understand.

I guess you don't know how much it meant to me..?

I guess you don't know how the Nicki Minaj songs on it had kept me going for so long.

I can play them on my phone's youtube, of course, but it's not the same.

Do you get it?

Do you f-ing get it?

It's ok, you won't.

I've had it for 3 full years, how can you expect me to not feel some kind of connection with it?!

Please don't talk to me about Nicki Minaj being fake.

Please don't even go there.

That's extremely superficial.

I don't think you have heard many other songs besides her commercial Super Bass..

I'm sorry..

I feel so..

Please, please can someone find my MP3 player for me?

I am a wreck and I've thrown too many tantrums.

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?

I could really use a wish right now.

I have that song on my MP3.

I can't listen to it anymore right now.

Oh yeah, my 11/11/11 11:11:11 wish didn't f-ing come true.

And to keep it all real is kinda hurtin' me

Ahhhhh ok.

I'm taking things slowly now.

I mean, what else can I do?

Smile, smile, smile, keep smiling!

Because every caterpillar will morph into a pretty, pretty butterfly in the end.

❤

My mind is set, I'm waiting on you

Oh this is horrid.

My dearest MP3 player is gone.

Without a trace.

Where are you?

Please my dear, will you come back to me?

I am such a wreck without you.

This sucks.

I feel idiotic for talking to an inanimate object like that but.

You do know, don't you, how it feels to have lost something so familiar to you.

I've had that player for 3 years, and it's been with me through my pubescent times.

I had seen it from when it was filled with Rihanna only, and then slowly, subsequently, Avril Lavigne, Justin Bieber, Timbaland, and most importantly Nicki Minaj.

Plus several others, of course.

I can't believe this had happened to me.

How am I going to listen to Catch Me when I feel like shit, and the remix of Sweet Dreams?

You know, because it is impossible to find it on youtube.

This must seem soo incoherent but I think I just need to let it out.

I mean, it has too much sentimental value!

The screen cracked, but so what?

I still used it like it was flawless.

It froze up on me once at Genting last year, I still want to bring it there this year.

Because it is so very deeply precious to me.

I can't even explain it.

I can't explain how much I need it back.

I was having a nap just now because I couldn't do anything else to stop thinking about it.

And it haunted me in my dreams.

I kept dreaming that I found it, I found the dear lost MP3 player.

But I kept stirring awake and kept realising that it was only my subconscious playing tricks on me.

It was torture like hell.

Please please please please please come back to me.

Maybe I deserved it for being such a bad person, but please!

It had caused me enough trouble today.

I lost patience with so many people.

Oh god, I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean it at all.

Please please please come back to me, my MP3 player.

I think I will call you Cleo.

Short for Cleopatra Creative.

)':

I will never sleep well like this.

)':

I'm startin to feel like a dungeon dragon

Nice day out today!

(:

It was Papa's birthday, (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!) so we went for lunch at Ion.

I had a lovely lunch, of course!

(:

I think I am falling sick like everyone else.

Aryan's sick again and he's coughing everywhere.

I'm starting to cough too.

):

But then again, I don't mind being sick, if it's after Os!

I haven't fallen ill at all this year!

Hmm nothing much to talk about..

Today I found a remix of Roman's Revenge with Lil Wayne in it.

I am a happy girl.

I think I can die of its awesomeness.

):

Oh well, busy week ahead!

Bye!

Keep smiling~

There is a fine line between reality & dreams.

I've been wanting to write this for so very long, because I just want to put this down.

But, well um, I have no idea how to put this across.

I mean, it's so clear in my head, but it is so hard to put it in words!

Know what I mean?

Dreams continue to reel sometimes when I wake up in the morning.

I can see it like a movie for the first few seconds of the day, right in front of my eyes, as they open.

But slowly, humbly, it fades away as real life sets in.

And I remember where I am, who I am and my whole life.

It's quite queer, because I feel as if the dreams I have have a mind of their own and think they are inferior to reality.

So when it returns to grasp a hold of me, they disappear quietly to let reality take the reins.

Because they know that reality is the conqueror of my life.

And that they are nothing- dreams are nothing.

So they melt away to make way for it.

It's a little sad, don't you think?

):

Who to talk to at 12.19am?

It's not your fault- I'm a bitch, I'm a monster

Day 3- Your parents

Dear mama & papa,

You're the best parents anyone can ever have.

Sorry for all the trouble I've put you through.

Lovelovelove,

Audi

To have and to hold, till death do us part

What a long day.

Tomorrow will be one too!

It's going to be Papa's birthday tomorrow.

(:

And I have issues. ):

):

):
):

):

):

):

):

):

I need to write.

I came to win, to survive

I am awake, why am I still awake!

I want to sleep, it will be a long day tomorrow!

AHHH I am so stupid.

):

Goodnight!

She pose like it's for posters

Today I didn't do anything much.

*guilty*

But I watched ANTM S17 today!

It's an all-star season, meaning previous contestants from many many previous cycles that are fan faves compete amongst one another to win ANTM all over again!

It was SO good! (:

And the best part was Kayla Ferrel was one of the contestants AND Nicki Minaj was the guest judge!!!!

(:

I feel horrible because I ate a lot today.

):

I think it's 'cause I got too complacent earlier today and ate a lot more than I should have.

Plus it's hari raya haji tomorrow and that means more food.

Oh well.

):

I be stuck to you like glue, baby

Day 2- Your crush

Dear crush,

Well hm, I'm over you. Really, I am.

Love,

Audi.

This one's for my girlfriend

Day 1- Your best friend

Dear Diary,

You're my best friend because you keep all my secrets and never tell anyone. You're wonderful and you listen to everything I

No wait, my diary isn't my bff. It's just the keeper of my soul.

(Hahaha jk.)

Dear Anis,

I am so glad that you are my sister and my best friend at the same time. I am so glad for all that we've been through, ever since you've been born. And also for all the stupid arguments we had before. They were quite dumb, no?

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm no.

Dear best friend,

By 'best friend', I mean someone whom I feel is made to be my bff, and vice versa. So I might have not found you yet. I hope we meet soon, k? I'll be mean and annoying with my flaws, but you'll get it, and I'll get your problems, and we'll argue a lot but make up again. And do all the things best friends do. Alrighty. Seeya soon, girl!

Love,

Audi.

'Cause it's finally famous

I just listened to the weirdest song Nicki Minaj did.

-.-

It's not her song, it's just Big Sean ft her.

-.-

-.-

-.-

-.-

-.-

-.-

Anyway, I am SO glad it's the weekend!

It had been a loooong week even though it's not normal school!

So weird :/

It felt like a Wednesday today honestly.

(Omg I forgot how to spell Wednesday and I had to use spell-check. Stupid or what.)

And yay for long weekend!

(:

Am so gonna sleep now.

Goodnight, little birds!

I am not a girl that can ever be defined

Ah today was not a very eventful day.

But I still had a nice enough time.

(:

Anyway, I feel like I cannot continue anymore.

My day had been so uneventful I have nothing to say about it.

Aww.

):

Hmmmmmmm I am pretty nervous for tomorrow cooking session haha.

Just cause.

I am playing Neopets again oh my how lame but ah so addictive I am so tempted to keep building up my store of neopoints.

Oh you know what?

Since I'm 'so bored' I can go and do that letters thing!

Yeah, and I'll keep faithful to it.

I hope.

This one's for you and me

I am soooo tired now.

):

But I need to plan a few recipes for the India cooking thing!

Trial run this Wednesday!

I am excited but I have to know how to cook everything.

-.-

Yesss, so excited for the trip!!

But still so tired today.

Hm.

I need to play pretend soon.

Even if that just sounded so very childish.

We found love

Ahhh had a bad hair day today but I didn't care because I was too happy to.

It was raining so beautifully and after everything all the trees and shrubs were sparkling with raindrops.

So I had no reason to be unhappy.

(:

I am craving for Macs!

HELP ME!!!!!!!

Fendi on my slippers

I have a stomachache and it hurts so much I hope it goes away.

):

But my vision ends with the apple on the tree

I have no feelings now.

And I feel neutral towards almost everything.

I think it's 'cause I feel very drowsy from the past weekend.

Mehhh.

But I am not sad today.

(:

It's just that, we had just finished helping Nyai move house.

Ahhh, hmm.

I am in a thoughtful mood.

I slept over at Nyai's Sengkang house yesterday while my parents and Adani and Aryan went to KL for a wedding.

So today we shifted everything to the Tampines house which, I have to say, is really pretty.

I thought I wouldn't like it at all, but it is really quite charming.

We have got to explore the neighbourhood there.

(:

On another hand, I will never go to Rivervale again.

That is really quite sad.

I mean, there had been so many memories there no?

Ahhh crap.

They are suddenly coming back.

Ahhhhh.

Like Level 17, The Secret Garden, the 2 playgrounds where we played pretend, the sleepover traditions.

):

I think I'll list all the memories in my Random Thoughts Book.

I have school for 2 more weeks.

FML.

Lunch is shortened and school ends later.

Like, really?

Can't they cut us some slack?

I know we got to work hard and whatever but please?

Meh whatever.

I have lots to do.

And I haven't blogged in a looong while.

Ohkay, I love Nicki Minaj.

Better sleep now, bye!!!
(:

Talking bout Pheonix

Can't anyone write on the tag-board?

If you please?

Hit me like a ray of sun

ARGHHHHH.

Mood swing for sure.

I feel so pissed at everything and at myself and at everyone else and at random people I don't even know.

During times like this, I listen to, surprisingly not Nicki Minaj, but Halo.

I think that is my ultimate favourite song because I can never get sick of it.

It's the first thing I hear in the morning(my alarm), what I listen to when I feel lost, when I feel sad, or happy, or angry, or downright pissed.

Like now.

It's nice to hear to it on a high volume.

It helps me calm my nerves.

I really don't know why it is so soothing.

It just is.

):

Anyway, YES I am SO p'd off at SO many things.

Actually, AT EVERYTHING.

HAHAHA K?

God, SO immature!

But desperate times call for desperate measures, no?

No you know what, actually I need someone to rant to.

Someone, anyone, who can cope with my random rants and not judge me for them.

And someone I will feel comfortable ranting to.

It's so hard to control myself.

Ahhhh I should stop babbling on and on about absolutely nothing.

It's just that I have so much to do and so little time!

):

I want to do my Math but... I keep having other things which have higher priority.

Because of that, I've only completed 1 A-Math revision.

Pathetic.

You know something.

You will never be mature.

If you think you are, that's being immature too.

You're like a candy store

I remember the first ever time I heard Roman's Revenge.

I blogged about it last year December.

I remember that the first time I heard it, it was creepy.

Hahaha but I still replayed it.

It's such an awesome song.

If you can stand Did It On 'Em, you're a fan.

But if you can go through Roman's Revenge, you're hardcore.

Today I watched the Talentime concert.

I am so glad the classes we were rooting for won.

Of course, all the other classes were fab too!

But I guess there was a little bias because Nic's sister was in 1PE.

Hahah.

Anyway, it was so much fun!

I think we all got veeeery high.

It was a fun period.

We have so much homework omgggggggg.

):

64 pages of Amath with at least 5 qns per page.

And a whole list of TYS questions for E-Math.

Omg.

I swear I will die.

(I mean, I'm not lying. I WILL die one day, no? Oh haha lame.)

Plus I know for sure there will be more huge piles of work coming our way.

):

I've done my Math.

I have at least 60 days to do all the work.

Meaning, at least 1 page per day if I were to complete the whole thing in time for school next year.

As well as the other work.

Also, I have to remember my 12-day India trip!

I feel depressed now.

):

How sudden.

Oh well, never mind.

Life's like that.

I guess the only peace I'll get is the peace of the afterlife.

baby, I can see your halo

I am glad that we have had two days without much schoolwork discussed.
This had made me feel so much more at ease.
I've just returned from school less than an hour ago, and I am now wonderfully fresh and showered.
Oh, I AM at peace.

Dinner commences once the parents return, and I am so VERY excited.
We are having sweet and sour fish, and that is the only dish I love more than a bowl of chicken porridge.
And I am SO hungry!
You know, maybe I shouldn't have eaten in school just now.
gahh.

Oh well, in any case, I am waiting for dinner.
Maybe I should do my HML homework while waiting.
Yes, I have homework.

Ok, ciao!

This time won't you save me

I feel like crying because I realise I will never be what I want to be.

It's either that or reaching my goal will take a heck of an effort.

)':

Should I do it anyway?

You got spark, you got spunk

iSCMUN was pretty decently bearable!

I suppose my feedback for it didn't give enough credit to it..but.

It was really quite fun, even though my group members did not do much.

[):]

But still.

Ok, interesting day.

When I got home, I was exhausted.

I was tired, cold, and hungry.

Thank God there was chicken porridge for dinner.

I love porridge- it is so fluid and light and not heavy.

I seasoned it with pepper.

(:

After dinner, I read the book from the library.

Oh gosh, it is SO intriguing.

I just can't stop reading!

It's as if I have to drag it away from me.

I read 3 chapters in a row even though I told myself I'd only read 1 before showering.

It is called Entwined by Heather Dixon.

It reminds me a LOT of Barbie & The 12 Dancing Princesses.

13 princesses with a love for dancing, and names in alphabetical order.

Hahahaha but oh, I do so love reading it!

I fell asleep after that.

Even though I told myself not to, my other half kept whispering in my head.

Just 5 minutes. Please oh please let me rest.

When I awoke again, my head was a wild, throbbing thing.

I was In A Mood then.

I could feel it, because my temper felt as if it were called upon, and I could not contain my spite when I felt disturbed.

I forced myself to take a shower, so I did.

And now, here I am!

Oh kay, what a queer post!
I hardly ever write about my day, do I?

Oh well, I still have stuff to do.

Bye!

I don't need a mediator

On a brighter note, let me be proud of what little I have to be proud of for EOYs.

I got 22/25 for an unseen prose e-lit essay!

22/30 for both English compos! I mean, considering I wrote crap!

And 50/70 for a HML narrative whose plot is completely non-existent!

56/70 for E-Math Paper 2! Wow, amazing since I failed the last block test!

19/20 for French Oral!

And the most amazing miracle happened for F. Geog.

Despite starting to study 10pm the night before the exam,

I managed to scrape a 60.8 B4!

and not fail!

I am a miracle worker for not getting a C.

In fact, for getting NO Cs at all!

And my EOYs were all simply running on luck.

I am a miracle worker.

Put your number two's in the air if you did it on em

Today was interesting, no reason.

I got all my results back already.

I'm kinda mad, in a heart-wrenching way.

I missed A2 for 5 damn subjects by max 2 marks.

Bio, SS+Lit, A-Math, E-Math, English.

I am stupid for missing A2 for Bio and the Maths and English.

They were all care-effing-less mistakes that cost me my 1 mark.

If I had NOT made the mistakes, I could have reduced my L1R5 by 5.

5 is heck of a lot.

My only A is the A2 for HML.

If I had studied my idioms, for which I got 0/10, I could have gotten an A1 extremely easily.

Bloody hell.

My French is an overall B3.

That's the worst result I had ever gotten for French in my history of understanding the language.

But whatever, I expected it.

IT'S OVER, SO WHATEVER.

I put down people a lot for typing posts like this one, 'cause I always think it makes them sound so nerdy and all.

But now, I know how they feel.

It sucks, because now my L1R5 is an 18, instead of a nicer 12 or 13.

Which would have been a wonderful improvement for me.

Also, if I had gotten A2 for my maths, Ms Lau would have been so proud of me for improving by leaps and bounds.

But no.

That didn't happen.

So she is NOT proud of me.

I am still really upset for my Bio.

1 mark for a careless mistake cost me an f-ing grade.

Oh God, I am such a disappointment.

I think I should shower now, and then watch a Nicki Minaj special on E! that I am so excited for to make me feel better.

I am thrilled.

Come to Singapore, please, Nicki!

I swear I will cry if I ever see her.

She made me cry so many times already.

(':

Mila Sienna

Mila is a girl I saw recently on Orchard Road.

She is so very pretty.

She naturally is, really, and her allure is in her very blood.

But it is even more striking because.

Because she knows that.

Keep your head high, I can hear her preach, you are beautiful and strong.

So with that in mind, Mila waits by the road for a clear path to emerge, standing like she always does, one arm on her hip, a knee bent forward, projecting her power with much regality.

I am better than you, and you know that.

Her lips pout just the tiniest bit, very inconspicuously, but it sends such a clear message.

You're not even in my game.

But do you know why I actually bothered to look twice and keep my gaze there until I lost sight of her in the car?

She was so pretty..and thin.

You could see her wearing her pride on her simple tee-and-jeans ensemble.

She didn't have to dress up, her corps was enough to make a statement.

I could see almost everything so sharp, angular.

So freakishly beautiful.

I feel sick but she really did look stunning.

The balance of flesh and bones was almost flawless.

Is it no wonder that she showed it off so well?

Oh my god.

You got this swag, you got this attitude

I hope my luck stays with me till the end of the week.

I might be desperate enough to trade my social life for it.

):

I don't know what game you are playing, 'cause I sure am not playing anything myself.

Ah well, I screwed everything up anyway.

Hey, this wasn't supposed to be sad or emo.

):

Ok..

Hm, I like With Ur Love by Cher Lloyd.

Such a sweet song.

(:

Oh yeah, I watched a horror movie last night till 12am.

I was so tired the whole day.

-.-

But it was so lame I swear sleep came easy.

Oh well..

So sick, but so what.

That amazing feeling when you haven't eaten the whole day but still feel no hunger.

They say my shoe game nuts, it's so sadistic.

You know what.

Lately, I have been eating a lot.

A lot more than I usually should.

I know this had been meddling greatly with my metabolism rate, that explains the constance (made-up word) of my weight.

But well, I think it's disgusting how much I eat nowadays.

Left with $5 for the rest of the month, I suppose my eating habits will be curbed easily now.

I deserve it for doing what I did.

Anyway, I should remember one of my goals in life right?

I'm reminded every time I go to this blog.

It's a good time for this too, my body doesn't need the glucose anymore now.

I just had an epiphany

Nicki Minaj lifted my spirits so much, I swear.

Today wasn't a good day.

)':

But anyway, what else is lifting my spirits.

A Little Princess!

I'm (re-)reading it for the 4th or 5th time now.

It still amazes me that I still am able to read it as if it were my first time.

I love A Little Princess.

:)

Never did she find anything so difficult as to keep herself from losing her temper when she was suddenly disturbed while absorbed in a book. People who are fond of books know the feeling of irritation which sweeps over them at such a moment. The temptation to be unreasonable and snappish is one not easy to manage.

:)

This is what you live for

Oh my God this video just made me love Nicki Minaj even more.

It totally just summed up all the everywhere verses I love from her.

Lovelovelove.

AND it totally just introed me to more of the songs that are my type.

Oh my God Nicki I love you soooooo much.

This is so brilliant I can't even put it into words.

I feel like a stupid fangirl but oh my god.

SERIOUSLY.

<3

14 full minutes of Nicki Minaj, like REALLY!

I wish today it will rain all day

What a wonderful life I have.

I mean, really, I know exam results are coming up, blah blah.

But seriously, whatever should you worry for?

Absolutely nothing, because you deserve whatever you get for whatever effort you put in.

So it's decided, and my fate is sealed, I suppose.

Anyway, these two days I had spent soooo much with Jan it's ridiculous.

-.-

But so much fun!

I spent so much on a movie and food.

But it was so worth it.

We watched Johnny English yesterday, oh my god it was SO funny.

Rowan Atkinson is freaking epic man.

AND tickets were only $6 and we got free drinks.

We walked around Orchard for a bit, and then at Jan's place we watched Mean Girls 2 (not bad actually) and did some other stuff we had been planning to do before EOYs.

She went back to my house for dinner with my family, so unexpected but nice.

So today, we went to H&M like finally!

And F21 and Cotton On and a million other shops in which we window-shopped.

So fun.

Oh yeah, and breakfast at Coffee Bean is one of the best things to do on a lazy morning.

I love my life and my friends.

Happy 15th birthday Jan!

My world is full of loveliness

Today had been amazing!

I went to Causeway Point with the fam and had my favorite dessert for lunch.

It is a traditional dessert called bubur terigu and it was lovely.

Then we went shopping.

It was one of the best moments of the day.

We visited Dorothy Perkins.

And I got myself a clutch.

It is soooo pretty.

AND it was a new arrival, it wasn't even on display yet.

It was on the counter, waiting to be sort out and shelved, and when I saw it.

It was like love at first sight.

Do you know what I mean?

(I paid for it myself, and that felt even better.)

(':

And I just finished watching a Bollywood movie with the fam.

It was very complicated to follow but oh well.

It was quite interesting and amusing.

I hope the day will continue being as wonderful until the end.

I tend to jinx good days like this sometimes by saying it out loud.

Thunder & Lightning

Oh my, the thunderstorm outside just ended.

And the sky has returned to its everyday evening hues of pink and violet, so much different from the rebellious orange less than an hour ago.

So the rain has stopped completely, but the air left behind feels so crisp and clear and cool.

It's a really nice change from the thunder and lightning that roared and flared just now.

It was really scary, the thunderstorm.

I felt so childish as I cringed and cowered with palms over my ears but the storm just terrified me.

):

When they happen in the morning, they always wake me up.

It is really so very unsettling to have been woken up in the middle of the night, as a thunderstorm crashes outside your window, with no one else awake because you are always the one who awakens during a storm.

And as you try to go back to sleep, you can't because you can still see the light flashing beyond your closed eyelids and a sharp roll of thunder may come in a split second.

I put the blanket over my head, but that doesn't help either.

Know what I mean?

And that's why I smile

It's been a while, since everyday and everything has felt this right.

Isn't that most unusual for an exam week?

Well well, it sure is, but.

But I feel so..

So at peace.

My life feels perfectly complete, like as if everything that has to be in place is.

And all the mess that had ever been in my life had been straightened out long ago.

And it feels like everywhere I go, I walk with a skip in my step and a good-natured smile on my face.

You know, that feeling when you feel like smiling all the time, anytime?

Because you know nothing is against you, and you are against nothing?

I love where I am at now.

It feels as if I am on a high.

It feels as if I am having many good days one after another.

It feels so rare, such a blessing.

I feel so blessed.

I feel so loved.

Thank you for making my week beautiful.

But you know what, this is something I am so unused to.

I've always been used to constant ups and downs.

And this..

This feels like a prolonged moment-after-the-thunderstorm.

It feels so queer.

But I can get used to this anytime.

Heyo.

I got a bad dream last night, and it's your fault.

how to love

Today I am surprisingly happy.

Well, I suppose you can say that.

I went to Northpoint just now to return a library book.

My journey back was quite amusing.

Heheh I really like Nicki Minaj and Lil Wayne.

They're my favourite rappers.

No surprise then, that I like Knockout and Go Hard, right?

And Beyonce is one of the best singers so.

Can't blame me for liking her remix of Sweet Dreams with Nicki Minaj and Lil Wayne, right?

Hahah oh my how random.

Gotta finish up Math and French.

-.-

Then I'll do SS.

Bye!

halo

Please don't ask why I am so 'emo' 'cause it just so happened.
What I feel, I try to give it reason and rational.
I think through it before I say it, usually, most of the time.

Bloody hell this one wasn't supposed to be emo.
But what else can I do right?
I mean, it's amusing!
That person is 'out of my life' but still giving me problems!
LOL!

Immatured, yes, that's a given, but I wasn't the one abandonning people..

Anyway, Coco, dearest pet, you've given me inspiration today for my oral.
I love you.
And thanks for playing catch with me when I got home.
You're the best pet ever!

K.

I did that because you deserved it.
My decision was made because it was already so obvious that there was a huge lack of time, no?
My decision is final.
But it is because of that?
Not at all.
It's because you turned out to be what I thought you'd never be.
What kind of a person are you?
I don't know, ask yourself.
What kind of a person are you?

What I'd do to have you near

This morning, I woke up and realised I've dreamt of my dead grandfather again.
It was heart-breaking when it ended, and I guess the reason's obvious.
He came to our house for a visit, and I hugged him so tightly, not knowing why I missed him so much, since technically in the dream he wasn't dead.
Then it was over and.
And urgh.
Why did he have to die?
)':


I went to Husna's house today to study and it was such a productive session.
I want a study camp at her house next week.
Yes, that means I want a sleepover.
(;

waiting for tuition to start.

You, my dear, are out of my life.
Yes, that's it.
I am over you.
Finally.
I am over you.
I can't be more glad because lately, you've just been a reallly unhealthy sickness in my life, so.
So long and goodbye.
I hope you have treasured and remembered what we have gone through though.
(:

When you're gone.

Ah, holidays are over and.

And I am not satisfied with myself.

Siiigh goodness me.

This past holiday was sooo.

Wow.

Why do I even bother with you because you so obviously don't care.

I feel like a fool again because it's me, me, me and it will always be.

SO stupid.

I still am trying to find myself and my place in this world.

Man, my train of thought is just so very different.

Why!

I wish you would bother.

I wish you would care.

I wish you would just be as different as I always think you would be.

Because yes, most definitely, you are the person I trust the most outside family, even if, I don't know, we are not really that close.

So dumb, right?

Because I am just making myself vulnerable that way.

And you so obviously do not feel the same way.

Because I am just another person, right?

That's too bad because you are NOT just another person to me.

That really sucks.

Why and how come I always care most about people who do not care about me?

It is so freaking unfair.

And I feel so messed up.

Talk to me soon please, I feel so insecure.

Right, end of incoherent balderdash.

Goodnight gonna sleep now.

Am SUCH a freak.

Will someone kill me please!

I said it a little too early.

(I've been saying a LOT of things too early, in hindsight.)

This morning at 5am, I was awakened by really bad cramps.

It hurt so damn much, and it was horrible.

I almost couldn't go back to sleep.

I had it all the way until 11am.

It ebbed away because I took the pink Panadol pill.

But a few minutes ago it came back!

!!

So annoyed!

It feels like something is inside me and mushing up my organs and stuff.

Ow.

I hope the pill will work soon, 'cause I just took one more.

I don't see the point of telling anyone this story.

God, I need a life.

Anyway, I read Of Mice and Men today.

It was a lovely, thought-provoking novel.

On another note.

Flag Day today was amusing!

I guess I observed all the different kinds of people there are.

And I experimented with different techniques of asking.

And I found out there are 4 common excuses:

-I have donated.

-I will donate later.

-I have no small change.

-I am in a rush.

Oh yeah, last and most irritating of them all.

The *shows sticker* action.

Dude!

Not cool!

I think some of them are 'buying' it like a pass.

So sad.

):

My mom once said, "blessed is he who gives from his right hand, with the left hand forgetting"

(not quoted)

It praises those who have already done something out of charity, but does not hesitate to do it again.

In this case, someone who has donated once, donates again with sincerity even though he has already done it.

Get it?

Oh yeah then after that I went for lunch and a walk-about at random places with Jan and Jessica.

It was really fun.

PMS

Confirm plus chop.

('Cause I haven't gotten my period yet.)

I feel so sad.

And haste makes waste.

Just waiting for a miracle to happen.

Someone told me today that when I PMS, I cry.

Yeah that's really kinda true because my PMS is just having mood swings.

Cramps are sooo passé for me.

The last time I had one of those was >6 months ago.

I.

Am.

Sad.

And.

Disappointed.

And sad.

S.

A.

D.

God, why do I even bother?

I mean, you don't even give a damn, right?

Wowwwwww.

Today I snacked a lot.

Disgusting.

After Hari Raya I gained 2kg.

2KG.

Disgusting.

Disgusting.

DISGUSTING.

Guess who feels like running on the treadmill now.

Sorry, but I really feel like a walking blob of fat.

Don't let these - get you down

FDC/NFC.

Wow.

1st-runner-up for South Zone and Finalist for Fancy drill.

Hahahahaha!

We beat so many other schools, it's unbelievable!

I think everyone deserved what they got.

I feel very proud/blessed, 'cause I know we all did our very, very, very best.

We've had our ups and downs but we pulled through.

They did it.

They trusted the commander, the squad, and themselves.

I am so happy for them.

National Footdrill Competition 2011 Team 18/K.

So don't let me go, 'cause you have my soul.

This is really late, but.

I really enjoyed my birthday.

Thank you to everyone who remembered and made it so wonderfully brilliant.

Like last year's, that was another successfully wonderful birthday.

(:

And yesterday, I got a surprise.

Heheh, I felt so blessed.

Thank you to everyone, I love you so much.

After me there shall be no more

Ahhhhhhhh I am so worried!

Everything's happening suddenly!!

Aiyoh!!

I need to finish my homework asap.

Why why why am I not done cleaning my room??

):

So busy!

FDC IN ONE WEEK.

!!!!!!!!!!!

):

AIUfhawoghnawiugaweuehfWAOIHFEIDUFG!!

Sandpaper Classroom

I had a dream that I was in a huge tea parlour with cakes and cakes and cakes all around me.

There were huge cupcakes and full cakes and small slices and cookies.

There was lemon strawberry, and chocolate, and orange, and cheese, and pandan.

Just a lovely place full of delicious confectionery.

And the concept of it is so..

I should open up a cake place like that when I grow up!

Inspirational dream~

Come, come.

Forget my birthday.

I dare you to.

(:

On a brighter note,

Excursion today to the ACM was charming, but too short.

I didn't have enough time to just appreciate everything.

I wanna go again and take in everything nice and slowly.

What's the point if you spend only 30 minutes in a museum?

):

Anyway, bus rides there and back were lovely.

Annnnd I met my sister there.

Northview+SC lolll.

(:

I feel so..

Used.

Horrid.

Pathetic.

Confused.

Loved.

Unloved.

Used.

Kk.

Look at it this way, right?

Friends are supposed to tolerate each other.

K?
Either that, or you have relationships with your friends like the one I have with my sister.

K?

You love, you fight and almost hate, but you don't.

Right?

No, instead, you fall out and come together again.

Yeah?

Godgodgod, this is sickening me so much.

):

Is it a wonder then that I just stay in class sometimes during recess and just talk about anything and everything with Farah and Zi Wei.

(No actually I usually stay back to finish up A-Math/E-Math.)

Right?

Right.

Thank the heavens we will still be in the same class next year, there's lesser chance of drifting apart.

Oh God, I feel so blurdy used.

This time won't you save me?

This time won't you save me?

Baby, I can feel myself giving up.

-Save Me

Love you, Nicki.

KK THAT'S IT.

What is this, a freaking repeat of last year?

Fine thenn I will just make the first move, again.

Why must you be so disdainful?

Never mind, I shall swallow my pride.

You know, 'cause I actually CARE.

Hold your horses, bite your tongues

And keep grand airs for yourselves, if you please.

god damned.

I am so fuvking pissed now. What the hell is wrong with people who have no common sense?!?! Gnd lah biiiiiiiiiiiiitch. Bloody math, i've been looking at amath ass. 20 for 2 bloody hours and nothing's happening. E-math's being a heck of a biiiiitch also. Shoot lah.
urgh.
URGH.
Feel like going on a meaningless rampage.
the first person i'll kill will be that irritating edyrfgyhukjhnb.
k?
then next, it'll be that other one.
the sweet, adorable but FAKE one.
ok?
and lastly,
that one with the suddenly stuck-up attitude.
alright?
alright.

I can't take it, take it, take no more!

I am hungry but not hungry, know what I mean?

I heard somewhere, sometime that your hunger and satiation level depends on the size of your stomach..?

-.-

But anyway, I think during the 'wannarexic' period that time, my stomach shrunk so now technically, I can just eat a piece of bread and be full.

Maybe that's why every time after buka I feel like throwing up all the food I (over)ate.

Basically, I am used to hunger.

I think I can go 24 hours without food.

But of course, I need water.

-.-

And well, my weight.

I don't care about it anymore, I guess.

But probably also because it is ok with me and I am perfectly happy with it.

You know, I am not gaining any more weight so it's stabilized and all at a perfectly wonderful number.

Yay! (:

I don't know why I am blogging so much today!

But I guess I have plenty of time because, yeah duh, I've finished my homework!

(Except for SS! HAH!)

So I'm just writing whatever comes to my mind.

(:

Holidays are coming~~~~

(:

I am happy in my own little world, and that will always be so.

Oh, oh.

French was OK.

(:

But the listening compre sucked, like always.

Grammaire- If I don't do well, I deserved it.

Rédaction was do-able, only because I gave like 45 minutes for it.

Impossible to fail it lah.

:)

Anyway Britney, why they so jealous since you teamed up with me?

OMG!

❤ ♥ ❤ ♥ ❤ ♥ ❤ ♥ ❤ ♥ ❤
MY LIFE IS COMPLETE!

ADORE!

DO YOU HEAR THE BEAT!

LOVELOVELOVELOVE!

❤

Here's the full version.

Britney Spears, Nicki Minaj, Kesha.

Can this song get any better??

(((:

Still I rise

Adore❤

You see right through me.

Ah I feel so confused and so tumbly inside.

I don't know why, and that makes it worse.

Tired of letting passive aggression

Control my mind, capture my soul

So well, am I your friend or not?

Sorry if I haven't been a good one,

but I swear I never meant that to be so.

):

Please talk to me if you feel upset, or whatever.

I do care, really.

Ok you're right, just let it go.

During the weekend, my amazing mother made 6 kinds of cookies and cakes for Hari Raya.

I have never been this excited for my birthday.

But I hope people won't forget it.

I mean, what if they do.

And..and it goes by unnoticed.

And no one cares.

I mean.

That's real scary.

Siiigh.

Why are you speaking when no one asked you?

Anyway, I've finished most of my homework!

Yay!

K, except for SS Essay.

Which is impossible, I swear!

I don't know how to start, how to end.

Heck, I don't even know what they're asking for!

Urgh!

But still, for the first time ever, I might actually be going to sleep early with all my homework done!

Tonight I wanna go solat terawih.

Kbye!

I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive

I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise

To fly

I am falling in love with this all over again.

Go away, please.

):

So tired............

Still doing my Geog LORMS.

Lucky tomorrow/today no Biology because of HMT block test if not I surely die because I need to do Bio TYS essay question and I haven't finished the last question for that.

TT

I'm gonna die~~~~~~~~~~

iugaoidgfaidfubfgveubfviajkifawgrfaiwugf.

SO TOMORROW I HAVE TWO MAJOR TESTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YAY!!!!!!!!

You are the music in me.

So on Friday, I have the Contrôle 3. ):

Basically, a major French exam, like CA3.

Funny 'cause I just had a Petit Test aka monthly test 2-3 weeks ago.

-.-

So sian.

Oh well.

French is easy, just that you have to remember the grammar, in which I really suck at. The vocabulary also quite challenging.

So technically, French is not easy.

Not easy to remember.

Contradiction.

Oh well.

Printing notes for it now.

So many pages!

I love raisin cheese bread.

Whoever created it is a genius.

It is divine.
❤

On a less happier note, I have a terrible cold.

On an even more depressing note, people are being jerks everywhere.

FML/

But your game always makes me lose points.

Today. Was funny.

In a weird, odd, way.

In the morning.

I kept laughing.

And laughing.

And laughing.

Over.

Anything.

And everything.

And nothing.

Heck, I even laughed in the damn toilet cubicle.

Am I becoming progressively more and more demented?

I don't know.

I think I am really losing my mind.

Oh, this is horrid.

And I wasn't even doing it for attention.

I just laughed.

For no reason.

Like a banshee.

):

So lately, I don't know.

I think I have split personalities.

I have this side, this one with the conscience.

And then there's this other one, this two-faced witch who seems to be controlling my life more nowadays.

I don't know what to do, I really don't.

She's making me more inclined to be the bad rebel I am sure I am becoming.

If you must know, I didn't type the blog post below this one.

She did.

Yes she, the two-faced witch.

I swear to God it wasn't me.

And I think who you see in school everyday; that isn't me either.

It is her.

She strangles my throat so I may not speak, she binds my hands so I may not move, she wraps with a ribbon my soul which she conveniently handles as she pleases.

So it's not me talking, it's her.

It's her doing everything.

She does not care, know you not?

She is selfish, and subtly mean.

And she lies everyday about everything.

She does not care at all.

She is ruining my life, she is.

Yes she, the two-faced witch.

But I can tell you a secret.

While I am still in control of my being, I can reveal her weakness.

It is love, cliché as it sounds.

She lets her guard down then.

But besides that, I have no idea how to stop her.

She, the two-faced witch.

Oh-so-complicated.

):