Comme Avant

I don't know what to say about today. Depressing?

Well, never mind. Let's move and to the stuff I noted down onto my post-it pad for this blog.

Nope. Don't feel like saying anything about my encounters today. The subjects look so inferior compared to what I HAVE to say.

I am currently reading a book called The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen. It is a lovely book. And I enjoy is so so much. Oh, that reminds me. I have to go and renew it. It's due today. :S

Then, about a year and half too late, it hit me. I was never going to be perfect. And what had all my efforts gotten me, really, in the end? A boyfriend who pushed me away the minute I cracked, making the mistake of being human. Great grades that would still never be good enough for girls who Knew Everything. A quiet, still life, free of any risks, and so many sleepless nights to spend within it, my heart heavy, keeping secrets my sister had empowered herself by telling. This life was fleeting, and I was still searching for the way I wanted to spend it that would make me happy, full, okay again. I didn't know what it was, not yet. But something told me I wouldn't find it here.

It is amazing how much short snippets like this from books can relate so much to you. When, in actual fact, it has absolutely nothing to do with you, from direct context.

I think it's just me feeling extra-sensitive towards minor things that do not mean anything. Being extra-aware and careful and suspicious eversince The Revelation.

I guess... This Cheery Mask is not a prop supporting the Play of Life, but indeed, a real used one.

(If you don't get what I mean, it's alright. ;) )

Urgh oh fine, I'll reveal the meaning. >:L

The happy face is not put on because I am really feeling happy, but because it is to make me LOOK happy. You know, used for its real purpose and not to emphasize the fact that I AM happy? :l

I'm not used to the life of a failure. Is it okay to cry with my contacts on?

Hmm... Ok off to continue reading. After I study the hand-out with dense notes on it. :L